Private Dawes
by newbee05
Summary: Molly is faced with many challenging days during her first tour of Afghanistan. This is in Molly's view of the story of Captain James. This story is more detailed and a lot longer than I thought it would be. There will be extra parts to fit bits of the story together. Please read and enjoy. All reviews are welcome.
1. Chapter 1

**Well I think this story will be very long winded. I also wanted to make it longer and start from the beginning because the series its self is so good, I didn't want to miss loads out. I want to involve as much as I can about the series and then add additional story lines.**

 **The characters and story line belong to the amazing Tony Grounds and the BBC.**

Chapter 1

15 October 2013

During this afternoons drill, I was told to report to the OC Major Brice. The jammy bugger was sat in the 4x4 with a cuppa whilst we were freezing our tits off out in a field. As soon as I was told to report back through my head set, I thought it would be something I had done wrong through the drill.

"Bit cold out there, isn't it?"

"Yes sir, taytors, sir." I try to slow my breathing down so I can talk. What is this about?

"You'd better go and pack your sun cream. You're off to Afghan and its 47 degrees."

After a little chat, it turns out I will be replacing a medic from two section who gained an injury from falling off the climbing wall of the assault course. Anyway, I'm off to Af-bleeding-ghan. Who would have thought, a girl with no qualifications is off to Afghanistan and hopefully have the chance to save lives.

I have just the night to spend with my family and then I am to report to Brize Norton at 1100 hours. My mum was emotional when I told her that I was going on a 6 months tour. I have to keep ensuring her that I will be safe, that I will be home before summer. Dad is nowhere to be seen, he's probably off down the pub with a pint in his hand.

For my last night at home, I order a dominos. I need to treat the little brats before I go. I know I will miss them even if they are a pain in the backside. Besides, it's not very often they are treated to takeaways with money being tight, one now and then won't harm right?

16 October 2013

Well todays the day I get on a plane for the first time, I leave England for the first time. I am heading into a war zone and I cannot believe how excited I actually am. Mum is the only one awake so I give her a hug and a kiss and head off to Brize in the taxi.

I will be attached to 2 section with Corporal Kinders and Captain James. I have never heard nor seen neither of them, I suppose I should make good first impressions.

I check in showing my passport and my name is called.

"Private Dawes."

"Yes Corporal."

He leads me out onto the platform where the sections make up the platoon. I am with 2 section and get told to join them for a photograph.

I dump my bags and join the second row. I look around and all these lads are well taller than me. I look like a bleeding elf! That's when Mr almighty comes out.

"How long does it take for you massive cockwombles to get ready for a bloody photograph?"

I let out a little laugh, he looks at me scowling.

"What you laughing at medic?" Oh shit, well done Dawes. Make good first impressions has soon gone out of the window.

"Cockwombles sir." Oh shit. Just keep your mouth shut, this is getting embarrassing.

He goes on about if I can't cut it as their new medic, he has no hesitation in lobbing me out of a plane. Great. I haven't been here more than 30 minutes and I have made myself look a right muppet. And as for this bloody Captain, I had better not be the class clown. He's probably one of those men who doesn't think women should be soldiers, well, he has knocked me down a few pegs.

We gather inside before taking off and guess who is bloody here? The twat I had a one night stand with at the back of an Indian takeaway, Smurf. I text him two days later and he hadn't replied.

He went on about how we were bound to meet up with us both being in the army. He's a tosser, he thinks he's god's gift and it turns out I will be joining his section. How the bloody hell has that worked out. Of all the sections I could have joined it was this one. One with a miserable posh snob of a captain and this Welsh wanker. I told him to not say anything to the lads, mentioning that I am trying to make good first impressions. He introduces me to the rest of the section and they are all young, well, my age really. I expected some to be older.

On the plane everyone is chatting and listening to music and I feel alone already. With this Captain being Mr womenshouldstayathome, how am I going to stay in Afghan for 6 months coping with his patronising ways? Surely it will get better.

Its bleeding hot here. I never knew what to expect of Camp Bastion, but I never expected it to be so big and so busy. We are loaded onto a bus to take us to our quarters. I have never been so hot, its got to be at least 40 degrees and it isn't even mid-day here. My eyes are heavy and I feel so drained.

We have to present ourselves to Major Beck.

"Welcome to Afghanistan…" he gives a speech about being at bastion for a few days of simulation and then we will be deployed on a mission.

"…You have a excellent Captain, here on his forth tour. So you will listen, follow his instructions to the letter." He carries on but I notice posh balls look my way and the Beck carries on. He really looks down on me!

After the big speech from Beck we are ordered to head to our sleeping quarters. We all choose our beds and then posh balls walks in.

"I'll be leading a PT session at 0530. Any of you helmets not on top form will get my new regulation combat boot six up your arses. Best recruit of Catterick, 1 pace forward.." And guess who posh balls favourite is? Blooding Smurf.

He goes on to ask if I passed geography at school. Does it look like I passed many GCSE's at school you muppet? He then asks Smurf who of course, has passed geography.

"Well, you can show our Doris where the female quarters are.." He comes up in my face to say this.. Yea, because I'm a bloody mind reader. He walks out and we all relax.

Smurf leads me to where I'll be sleeping, I'm bitter how I have just been embarrassed and call James a Rupert. Obviously, Smurf being his favourite storms off leaving me to find my own sleeping quarters. Nob.

After 45 minutes trying to find them, I walk in and set my kit on a bed. The girl next to me is called Jackie, she introduces herself and she is also a medic at Bastions hospital. We go out for food and end up cuing for pizza hut. I never expected anything like this to be here, it's impressive.

Sirens go off and another medic runs past.

"Six injured the MERT is bringing them in all medic personal report to the hospital. Jackie makes a run following the woman who had just informed us.

"c'mon."

"What me?"

"Your medical aren't ya?"

I begin to follow Jackie as we make our way to the hospital. I never knew what to expect but it was manic. There were doctors and nurses running around and pushing beds with injured soldiers. There was one man with his leg blown off just below the knee. I just froze, I didn't know what to do and made a run for it out of the hospital. We never had anything like this in training, they were all ex-soldiers in the drills. I make my way to the sleeping quarters and just lay on top of my bed and look at the roof of the tent.

I lay in bed at its gone past 0100 hours I have to be up for PT early and I still cant get what happened earlier out of my head. Jackie asks how I am and explains my training will kick in. it was the first time I had seen anything so it was kind of expected that I do it.

I manage to drift off, eventually.

17 October 2013

"Private Dawes.." Can he not wait to bleeding minutes.

"Private Dawes" I'd better show my face or he will probably embarrass me even more than he has. I duck under the tent door to see the whole of 2 section in full kit. No one told me it was full kit did they the wankers.

"Well, I suppose we had better be grateful that your not wearing you stilettos. Full kit Dawes." I go back in embarrassed. So the lads thought it would be funny to make me look like a right muppet. Thanks, I'll remember that when your dying in a ditch you twats.

The 5k run in the heat as well as full kit was a killer. I struggled to keep up with the lads but had Brains supporting me and staying with me, that was nice of him I suppose. We ended the run with a 50 metre sprint and Mr posh balls decided to have Smurf on the floor pretending to have his leg blown off.

"Man down, left leg blown off above the knee, what ya gonna do?" He was actually shouting. I was still puffing out my arse and I hadn't set my med Burgan out properly and struggled to organise myself. Well I have just proven what a shit medic I am. He sends us all away for showers.

"He could have died just then." I'm doing a light jog and James is just at a walking pace. I don't respond, I've made a prize tit out of myself already.

"Please don't tell me we have the only medic who is afraid of the sight of blood." I wanted to tell him where to go. Somehow news got back to him about last night in the hospital. Things are just getting worse.

19 October 2013

Over the past few days we have been acclimatising and practised shooting out in the range. We have a briefing of the mission and where we will be staying. I have signed everyone off as fit during the medical examination. We leave for the FOB tomorrow morning. We also met our translator Qaseem, he seems a nice bloke, very quiet though. Well he will be compared to these bunch of idiots.

20 October 2013

We are all stood a few metres from the helipad where we will be transported to the FOB.

"In case any of you were wondering, this is the real thing. The next 6 months will define the rest of our lives. There will be moments on this tour that you will never forget, both good and bad…" He carries Saying its not about looking after number 1 but the rest of the section and bigs up the Army.

We are on the helicopter for over 30 minutes and land outside of the FOB. This is where it begins I suppose. Fresh start aye Molly. No more sarcastic remarks, no more making a tit out of yourself and keep your head down.


	2. Chapter 2

**Again this is very long and things do start to change in the next chapter. It is very long but I will try and shorten the next one. Please write reviews. thank you :)**

All the characters belong the amazing Tony Grounds and the BBC. Thank you for an amazing show.

21 October 2013

So Mr posh balls let us settle into the FOB yesterday. I dumped my kit and set my bed up in the med centre, I know what James is like with his stags and sleeping quarters. I slept like a baby last night, waking up early to the sound of a claxon that wakes the whole FOB up at 0700.

So we're going out on our first patrol and I am starting to feel really nervous. James gives a speech of "stay focused, stay alert, stay alive." Whats with him and these kinds of speeches. Cheesy if you ask me but the lads listen to him and respect him loads, maybe I should start to do the same?

We load with ammunition at the loading bay and head towards the front gate of the FOB. I feel so nervous, I'm actually going into the most dangerous place in the world with only a helmet and a body vest to save me. These negative thoughts aren't helping me.

We line up in single file, I have Brains in front of me and Dangles behind. Do I feel safe with these lot? Surely I shouldn't be asking myself this, especially at this point in time.

The gates open and we head out. There is a group of ANA soldiers patrolling and checking locals have no weapons. I am crapping myself. Whilst out we saw the little girl who posh balls passed a pen too. I thought, I'll bring a few out, see if any of the other kids would like some.

The first patrol went well and we're back in the FOB. Before lunch, James has a briefing and asks how it felt to be out that. He asks me something in front of everyone, here goes, more embarrassment.

"…The people on the bikes could have been dickers. What were they thinking Dawes?"

Respond with a normal response nothing sarcastic.

"That we're at our most vulnerable.."

"Why?" Oh shit.

"We're finding our feet. We don't know the terrain."

He seems shocked with my answer and sends everyone away for lunch. I stay behind worried about Smurfs state of mind. He keeps talking about the ANA blokes as if they're against us, but he won't listen to me.

James asks if I'm hungry in which I respond

"I'm just waiting for the rug to die down." James looks down at me. I hate when people who are taller do that.

"Sir…" I'm unsure if he will listen to me but at least he knows my view.

"spit it out Dawes."

"It's just as a medic.. I'm worried that Smurf isn't in the right frame of mind."

"Whys that?"

"Well..all that with his brother must have fragged with his head a bit."

This is where he doesn't believe, why would he? I'm someone he can only just stand to look at.

"He's an excellent soldier. He knows what he's doing."

"Its just that he seemed harsh with an ANA bloke yesterday.."

"Just the usual early tour dick waving. Nothing to worry about."

Well, who would have thought he would believe me, nope not me. I wonder if the whole tour will be like this, just me being another body being a pain to the group. I bet they didn't treat their old 'male' medic like this.

We are to go out on patrol again, but this time around the compound and Mr posh balls will be staying inside with Kinders in charge.

We are only out 10 minutes where there are two shots fired into the back wall. I just duck into the ditch and panic. I can't hear what everyone is saying in my ears, I freeze completely. After a few seconds I hear they're after the female medic, yep, me. Does anyone like women around here? Is there something in the water? The thought go out my head when Kinders starts to send us back into the compound and that's when Smurf claims he sees the insurgent and opens fire, this just makes me run faster. I don't look behind, I just run with adrenaline taking over.

After a few minutes everyone is back in the compound cheering, how the hell can they be happy that we have just been fired at? I stand there watching them all.

"I want another go!" shouts Dangles. That's when I see James make his way own from the watch tower and come over.

"What have we just learnt?" Oh dear, he isn't happy. He seems a little angry actually. Everyone looks at him and there is silence.

"Every time we step out of the FOB we need to be totally alert!" The lads lower theirs head and they're all stood staring at their feet.

"Medic.." I look up and her points with his head to follow him. Oh shit, this is about freezing in the ditch. This will just add more fuel to the fire, maybe he will want to get rid of me?

He leads me into the med tent and takes a seat on the examination table and begins to take his socks and shoes off.

"I need you to look at my blisters.."

I lift his foot and I can see both feet are blistered badly. I try to lighten up the atmosphere.

"With all due respect sir, they stink.."

He laughs. He bloody laughs. He has a beautiful smile, its just a shame we don't see it very often. He then goes back to Captain stern face.

"His behaviour when unloading his weapon was dangerous and reckless and unprofessional" I know who he is on about, Smurf. But I can't grass him inn when he has just helped me in the ditch.

"Who sir?"

"Maybe he wasn't in the right frame of mind." I prepare some bandage for his blisters and ignore what he is saying. Is this some kind of apology for earlier? When he made me sound and look like an idiot?

"Did you see anyone Dawes?" I ignore him again keeping my head down carrying on doing my work.

"He didn't eyeball anyone. If there was children playing in there and they got killed, it doesn't bear thinking about."

I carry on doing my work as if I'm not listening to him. I think he is getting a little annoyed now.

"Did you see an insurgent Dawes?"

I mention he has just saved my arse in the ditch and he must have clicked in that I was petrified out there. He actually tried to lighten up the mood. Jeez whats wrong with him?

"I knew I ddn't need new boots. I wanted to keep my old ones."

"You'll get used to 'em. Let me dress your blisters and you can get back to running us around the compound." He then replies with we'll see how good of a medic you are.

"Well, not to blow my own trumpet, but I'm the nuts Sir." He smiles again. I'm in shock. The fact he smiles is one thing, but he did it twice within the space of 20 minutes. Bleeding hell.

He heads outside and I follow. Smurf and Baz are sat in the middle of the compound cleaning their weapons.

"Smurf.. A word."

Smurf follows James into his sleeping quarters.

I go and lay down on my bed just looking at the roof of the med tent. Its strange how the kids here get excited over pens, if I did that with my sisters and brother, they would throw it back in my face. It just proves we take everything for granted.

I think back to speaking with James. So he has a nice side of him, maybe he let his guard down a little to get some information out of me, that would probably sound about right. I hear people cheering outside and head to take a look.

As soon as my head pops out James shouts me over and says we have mail.

"She likes male sir." I walk over oh god, what posh balls done now?

"What I was about too ask has anyone seen any grass over here in Afghan but I spoke too bloody soon." Shit, well done James. What have you gone and said now. Not one of the lads would even look at me. Not even acknowledge I am here. The twats. Obviously James has said something to Smurf and hes gone back to the lads and tod them I'm a complete slag. The welsh tosser.

"Boss, Major Beck on the net.." Kinders shouts from under the tent.

Well it all goes to shit there. He hands Fingers in charge of handing out the mail. What does he do, throw mine on the ground in the sand. I head back to the med tent and open my package.

Mum had sent nail varnish (yep, because I wouldn't get the piss taken out of me for that. Although, that would mean them talking to me), a bar of chocolate which has melted in the heat, nail file and a letter. The only useful thing being the letter, which was covered in the melted chocolate.

I read my letter from my mum explaining that she is missing me and tells me that dad is giving up drinking. Yea, right I would love to see the day. This makes me feel worse, home sick kicks in and I would rather be anywhere else other than here with a bunch of people being complete nobs. Tears start to fall down my face. I don't want to face anyone at the moment and stay in all night only going out to use the shitter.

23 October 2013

The lads are still going on with not talking and acting as if I'm not there. How can they be so judgemental when they have probably had more than one one night stand? I make my way to breakfast when I see them all heading to the tent. Obviously no one wanted to tell me there was a briefing, how long are they really gonna keep this up for? I walk in and they are all gathered around the table. Dangles see's me and moves around and then faces the lads. God these lot are childish.

We are out on a mission up the mountain checkpoint it's a 10 mile walk there and back. James must have noticed the group divide and looked at the lads then to me, standing on my own.

The walk up the mountain is peaceful, at least with no one cracking jokes its peaceful and quiet. We all walk in single file. I never thought Afghan would be so beautiful. The views are amazing.

"Everything ok Dawes?" I hadn't noticed posh balls walk along side of me.

"They're sending me to Coventry.." He tries to make a joke out of it, but I aren't laughing. Its his fault, he could have at least worded what he said to Smurf a lot better.

"Oh dear, that's worse than Helmand. What have you done to deserve that?"

"From what I said to you 'bout Smurf.." I keep it short, but this is the most conversation I've had in the past two days.

"Listen.. I have to get everyone home safe from this tour. That's my job.." I wonder if he will apologise, I wonder if he has realised that this is all of his fault?

"I'm grateful that you could see there was something wrong. You were right in telling me that. I think your right, I'm a little concerned too."

The conversation soon changes. I ask what will happen once we pull out but he just answered with he follows the orders from the follow ups and never gives any thought into the outcome. At this point I think about how the girls cannot go to school. I mean, I never went to school, but at least I had the opportunity too.

We settle in to the mountain check point and I cannot believe how beautiful the place is. Who would have thought a bloody war zone would look so peaceful and undisturbed.

The Posh balls gives us duties, mine setting up a temp med centre. He warns us again about the minefield and has Nude-Nut and Baz on watch of the bridge down near the river bed.

It was going 1130 when Bashira appeared and sat down with a few of her friends. What were they doing up here? Surely her parents would want her to be in the village not somewhere where she cannot be seen. If that was my brothers and sisters, I wouldn't let them out of my sight.

James soon gets the kids on their way directing them towards the village. I'm stood looking out onto the mountain when he appears again, I'm beginning to wonder if he is feeling guilty for what he said to Smurf.

"Nice view aye Dawes?" Yep, he defiantly feels sorry for me, none of the other twats have even looked at me since we have arrived here, actually to think about it, I cannot remember the last time they did. Really, how long was this going to go on for?

"Well, it don't beat the view of council houses does it?" He is standing with a cup of something, either tea or coffee.

"It's a good job the army weren't called in to take me to school."

"What you never went?" Well, surely you can tell the difference between me and someone like him who has had a silver spoon up his arse.

"You can't tell?" That's when a shot went off I ducked and hid behind the sand bags and James did the same.

"Man down, man down!"

Nude-nut comes running towards us from the mountain path. That's when we hear Smurf through the head set. Shit, was has the wanker gone and done now?

"I've been hit, I'm pumping blood."

"Smurf, what direction was your contact?!" James is shouting. Smurf just repeats that he is bleeding. "Nude-nut where is he?"

"He went down the river bed with the vallon sir!" Oh the prick has gone and got himself shot and then made it a bloody nightmare for me to reach him.

"Sir I know my mine clearing drills I can get to him."

"Absolutely no chance, stay down."

"Sir, I don't need special treatment because I'm a girl. He needs a medic." I pull my knife from the vest. I was taught how to clear a minefield with a knife without the vallon.

"Dangleberries, Brains with me!" He is literally shouting down the radio. We head down and the three of them take cover over the bridge. I leave my gun on the bridge and then I headed what I thought was the start of the minefield.

I got down on my front and started to prod the ground with my knife. Oh bloody hell, this is the most dangerous thing I have ever done, this is worse than walking through London on your own at night and that is bad. Anyway, thoughts back to this life threatening tasks. I start to move slowly whilst marking a path through. Smurf has gone quiet and all I can here is James down the radio.

"Smurf! Smurf, you twat don't go quiet now."

"Molly.." I hear a faint shout.

"I'm coming Smurf."

"You alright Dawes?" I ignore him. He never bloody asked that when he turned these muppets against me did he? I carry on crawling and clearing the path when IK push with my left leg. Oh shit, I push as far as I can go and then it goes off.

…

"Dawes! Dawes"

"Molly."

I hear voices in my ears. What the hell I must have blacked out during the explosion. I have a pounding head ache. I sit up.

"Dawes, are you alright?"

"I'm ok sir. I can't believe I still have both me legs" I touch my legs making sure I can feel them, I'm fine. I look to my left and Smurf is there.

He is sat up against a rock and looks out of it.

"Smurf, c'mon. Wake up, I'm ere to save ya."

The blood is pouring out of his groin and it is too high to get a tourniquet. I wrap a bandage around his groin and ram my thumb in the bullet hole, this is the only way to stop the blood flow.

"Am I gonna die?"

"No your not gonna die. Or them wankers will blame it on me!" Its true, they more than likely would.

"sir, if I take my fist out of his groin hes gonna bleed out."

"Dawes, there is no place for the MERT to land. Hook him on the winch and he will be pulled up."

"Sir he will die." The MERT arrived and lowered the harness for both of us. I hooked Smurf and then me.

"Dawes, unhook yourself now. You're a sitting target for the snipper. Do you understand?!" I hear the anger in his voice. "DAWES!" Oh shit he is angry. Does he really think I have just crawled across a minefield, nearly killed myself and then send Smurf up to the MERT and die within that 15 second rise? Nope, he can kiss my arse if he thinks I will do that!

We are lifted into the MERT where the medic staff take over looking after Smurf. He looks a state now I get chance to see him. He is so pale and there is blood all over his kit.

We are in the MERT for about 15-20 minutes, I don't know, im not counting I just hope this muppet will survive.

It turns out Smurf will be fine. He won't be back at the FOB until after Christmas. I go into his ward to check his notes when he says he owes me and that he will come back to me? What is that supposed to mean? I hope he doesn't go all weird because I saved him. I was only doing my bleeding job.

Jackie calls me for the copter to take me to the FOB. Oh god, I forgot I have to face posh balls. What is he gonna say or even do? Put me up on charge for disobeying an order?

Its evening time and I walk through the gates and he is stood in the middle of the compound. Put your sorry face on Molly. He has his arms crossed and legs wide. Oh shit, he means business.

"If you think you are going to win any plaudits for that ridiculous and foolhardy act, then you are 100% mistaken.."

"Yes sir, sorry sir" That's it just agree with everything he says. Don't give him any other comments.

"That's what my commanding officer said to me when I went to retrieve Smurf's brother.." What is he getting at here? Is he thanking me or I don't understand.

"Having said that, did you hear me tell you not to go up on the winch?"

"No sir." Oh I am such a shit liar. I hope he can't read my expression.

"Then well done Dawes." Bloody hell, he has just congratulated me on something. Whats going on?

He goes on to say that I did an excellent job out on the mountain. What has someone done with Mr posh balls? Where has he gone?

Later at night I was speaking to Dangles and Brains on the stage. They were apologising about the past few days and even said they shouldn't have taken sides and both admitted to one night stands on a number of occasions. James walks past and he actually smiled at me. What the hell did he have for his breakfast? I smiled back trying to stay friendly and his smile disappeared after I hug it out with Dangles. What the hell was that about, seriously? He heads back into his office. Because that wasn't weird at all.


	3. Chapter 3

**A bit of a boring chapter I'm afraid. Sorry**

 **All credits go to the amazing Tony Grounds!**

Chapter 3

26 October 2013

So it has been 5 days since the incident up the mountain CP. A lot of things have changed within them few days. The lads appreciate me a lot more, it is like they are making up for blanking me. They all make the effort to talk to me and involve me conversations and games. Which to be honest I am more than happy to join in with. They all keep asking if I need a drink or would I like anything, I'm not a bleeding cripple, I'm capable of looking after myself. Brains seems to make the most effort for conversation, he is more mature than the rest and he speaks about being homesick so we talk about our families and his girlfriend.

I still have scratches and bruises from saving that bleeding muppet. For the first two days I struggled with my back but I wouldn't dare to ask to be put on light duties. I have just got into everyone's good books I don't wanna ruin it now.

Even James has been more sociable. He will say good morning and not totally blank me and he doesn't speak to me in a patronising tone anymore. We're like best friends. Not. Although, sometimes I notice he is looking at me and as soon as I look at him directly he turns away. Is he waiting for me to slip up or something? I still think he doesn't like me.

The past few patrols have been quiet. We haven't had any shootings since the sniper that shot Smurf. James keeps telling us we need to stay alert and I agree. What happened with Smurf has opened my eyes to how dangerous this place is. From going to a peaceful and beautiful surroundings too being blown up in the air and then being covered in blood.

I have had a few visits from 1 section moaning about sun burn and prickly heat. The sun burn is easily avoided and it doesn't take long to put on in the morning and at lunch, bleeding men. Lloyd tried to touch my cheek, I grabbed his wrist and pulled it behind his back and told him I would break it next time he touched me. He walked straight out rubbing his shoulder. I know I'm the only female in the compound but that doesn't mean he has the right to touch me. I haven't seen him since then.

Today we went into the village and I saw my friend Bashira playing with some kids. I didn't speak to her though, posh balls asked me to set up a temp med centre. I still think it is strange how the girls can't go to school, I would have loved that when I was her age.

The lads have secretly moved my sleeping bag into their sleeping quarters without me knowing. My bed has a flag to allow myself some privacy at night. Apparently it didn't matter if I was a female and I could use the med tent as a bit of privacy. Not that I get that, there is always someone after after sun.

27 October 2013

Well when I thought it had gone quiet I was wrong. We were out on patrol when there were 4 shots fired at us but luckily they had missed. We didn't find who had fired the shots so we weren't able to react which Fingers was gutted about. Mansfield shit himself, then again, so would I. The lads wouldn't stop taking the piss out of him. James reminded us that we need to stay alert at all times, this sounded familiar.

I have been thinking a lot about life at home and I would have been doing if I wasn't in the army. I'd be married to Artan, probably be pregnant and still be working at the salon. That was never the life for me. I never thought the army could change my life so much. I have been given opportunities, opportunities which I never had.

I'm sat on the stage when James comes up to me.

"Peace and quiet for more than 10 minutes Dawes. I bet you're fed up of them already?" Actually I wasn't, anything beats being ignored and treated like shit.

"I don't do peace 'n quiet for a long time me sir. Not exactly a quiet person am I?" Oh god I have just opened the window for him to throw sarcastic remarks. He sits down next to me on the stage.

"No you're not Dawes. I realised that after 5 seconds of meeting you." I let out a laugh. If this is the James the lads respect, than I totally understand why they lick his arse. I mean, he didn't have to come up and speak to me, so what did he want?

"Just wanted to let ya know I was there sir."

"I certainly knew from that point Dawes." He looks down and smiles. He has a really beautiful smile. I wonder how old he is?

"Anyway, I'm gonna hit my pit before they send out a search party for me." He laughs and I stand up and start to walk.

Well it was nice of him to come and talk to me but what was his aim. He didn't exactly ask me anything. As I walk away I turn around and he is still sat on the stage watching me walk into the tent. He seems to be watching me very closely. Behave yourself Molly.

31 October 2013

So today is Halloween and all the lads think we should dress up for tonight entertainment. What the hell are we meant to dress up as when the only kind of fancy dress we have is bandaging from the med tent. The lads haven't clicked onto that but I'm not putting ideas in their heads either. I'd be on shitter duty for longer than a few days.

All three sections have been up to the mountain today patrolling whilst the ANA have a day off. I suppose they deserve a day off now and then. But it isn't very often we all get days off either.

It's starting to get cold now. We even had a little shower of snow but that soon disappeared. Nude-nut got so excited he came running into the sleeping quarters. It then turned to rain and he was well gutted, you could see it in his face.

As it is starting to get colder, they have bought the evening entertainment into the mess tent, pushing all the food cart the far wall. It looks pretty big. Apparently all of the captains and corporals will be putting a show on tonight, I don't know whether this will be good or bad. Funny or terrible.

I have just sat down for lunch when I get called by Fingers that James wants me in his office. What does he want? Or more importantly what have I done wrong? I eat half of my lunch, scrape my plate and head to posh balls' office.

I knock before going in.

"Come in." I walk in and he looks up at me. He is sat on a chair at a desk. This is pretty big in here. He has a single bed and a bedside table next to it.

"Ahh Dawes, the after action report. I need you to check everything over and make sure it's correct. Can you do that for me?" He hands me a file. It must be from the incident up the mountain with Smurf.

"Anything for you sir." I laugh a little and he smiles and turns to look at paper work. I read through the papers and everything is very detailed.

"That's alright there sir." I hand him the papers.

"So this entertainment tonight sir, what's appening?" He is still sat on his chair with a cup of coffee on the desk.

"Alls you need to know Dawes is that it starts at 20.00 hours." Oh I should have known he wouldn't have given any clue away.

He dismisses me and I head towards the med tent.

Well I can well and truly say they made prize tits of themselves. They are all dressed as zombies using bandages- I need to ask where they got them from and check my stock-, dirt and fake blood. It was hilarious to say the least. James was the tallest and stood out like a sore thumb. They danced too Michael Jackson's Thriller. The best part was watching Kinders try and keep up with the others. He obviously hadn't learnt all of the dance and ended up storming off stage half way through. Then, Corporal Sanders fell off the stage whilst getting a little too excited about a solo dance. I don't think I have ever laughed so much.

15 November 2013

Since Halloween, we haven't had much contact. Section 3 had an incident where somehow Thomson managed to knock himself out whilst doing a patrol of the village. He was patrolling a street when a local opened a door just in time for him to not notice and walk straight into it.

The moral in the camp is a little quiet. All of the days seemed too emerged together and we're all getting bored of the patrols. Too boost the atmosphere, Baz organised a game of 5 a-side football match using a couple of sand bags. And it was such a good laugh. There was Brains in goal, Fingers, Nude-nut, baz and then Dangles. Each section played each other and then the ANA formed a team and played against us, 2 section. Kinders was the referee and was totally biased, but then again, I would be too.

I was stood cheering them on. This was such a great idea. At the end, I went into the mess tent and bought jugs of water and cups for everyone to have a drink and we all sat talking to each other, including the ANA.

18 November 2013

It is starting to get colder. I've had to pull out my long johns for patrols and I have asked mum to send over a hot water bottle. At night I'm sleeping in my woolly hat and fluffy socks. I've asked James to put the heating on but responds with "You're the first to ask that on tour Dawes." Not that we have heating in the tents.

Security has been stepped up around the compound. The ANA were patrolling at night when an insurgent must have planted an IED was platen 4 metres form the compound gate. How the hell did he not see them do it? We went out on patrol with the vallon and detected it. Straight away and had to call for bomb disposal and we had to go back into the FOB so we would be protected from the blast if I did go off.

After that, they have put security lights right outside the gates for at night and there are now 2 soldiers per watch tower to reduce the risk of anything serious going off.

25 November 2013

So the lads have started to come into the med centre to warm up. I have a little heater which was sent in from bastion. I requested one after saying it was hard to stitch up wounds when I was shivering to death. James agreed and asked for one. He is a good one isn't he?

The lads come in after patrol bringing me a cuppa whilst carrying their own. They sit on the floor or on the bed I used to sleep on whilst huddling around the heater. The patrols aren't good when the weather is bad. We come back not being able to feel our fingers or toes and it is vile.

James pops in now and then bringing a cup of tea and a coffee for himself alongside a pack of hob-nob biscuits, I think he just comes for a warm up like the rest but I don't mind the bribes. We talk about our families. Turns out he lives at home with his parents which to be fair makes sense, what's the point in having your own house when you're out of the country more than half of the year?

"So Dawes, what did you do before the army? McDonald's?" The cheeky twat. He laughs though so I know he isn't being patronising. A month ago he would have asked the question and it would have made me feel like shit. I suppose that is how long we have come since the start of tour.

"Cheeky bugger. Do you really think that low of me sir? In fact, I used to work in a nail salon. Surprise you?" His face was shocked and then smiled.

"What with them nails?" He laughs. "Cheers for the warm up Dawes. I'd better contact Bastian, see what is happening with the plans for Christmas.." He pulls on his jacket and heads out of the door, the cold wind blows in.

1 December 2013

It's bleeding taters out there. And in here. I finally received my package from home. Mum has sent a hot water bottle, scarf and some mittens as well as a letter. Fingers seems to have claimed my scarf already and has been walking around the FOB wearing it. It's pink and navy blue, he looks like a right muppet with his uniform on. I've hidden my water bottle so none of the others get chance to run off with it.

The snow has started to fall and has stuck. Mansfield again got excited and we ended up having a snow ball fight in the FOB I got Dangles with a good shot at the back of his head. It was so fun, even Kinders and the boss joined in and 'White deathed' – a covering in snow- Mansfield. Poor sod looked freezing after. I bought him back into the med tent and put the heating on.

"Cheers Mols." I find a blanket under the bed and put it round him.

"I'll be back in a minute. I'll go grab ya a brew."

I walk into the mess tent to only find Baz and the boss.

"How is he then Mols?"

"Bloody freezing after you lot of cock muppets Did that. He's not gonna be able go to bed until hes warmed up ya know?"

I walk out with two brews angry with what they have done. Yes back in England you can do that. After you can go home have a hot bath, brew and be in a house with the central heating on, its not like that out here.

Patrols up at the mountain CP will be difficult. The walk there is a struggle anyway never mind in the snow. I might get my mum to send out some thermal socks, they would be put to good use.


	4. Chapter 4

**I hope this chapter is a little more fun than the previous. Thank you all for your kind words. I love reading the reviews knowing what everyone enjoys so i have an idea.**

Chapter 4

4 December 2013

I'm starting to get fed up of looking at this bleeding white stuff now. It has been snowing for 3 hours straight and we're stuck in the mountain CP. I have a temp med centre set up which allows me to be inside and sheltered, but I feel sorry for the lads. They have Dangles and Nude-Nut covering the path. Fingers and Brains on the lookout for the insurgents down near the river bed and Kinders, Baz and Mansfield are clearing the snow to shelter from the wind and the snow falling. It's that deep its coming up above my ankles, I'm a bleeding midget, this doesn't help at all.

Boss hasn't come on patrol. Not sure if he had been with 1 section last night but they looked frozen when they came through the gates last night. I made them head to get changed into warm dry clothes and then go to the mess tent. In there, I made soup and hot chocolate and provided blankets which had been in the med tent so they were warm. I don't speak to 1 section much, I'm just a medic to them but I don't mind that. My job is to treat injured or ill soldiers and if I don't help warm them up now, I will more than likely have a busy day treating these lot with colds and flus. I haven't seen James for 2 days. I wonder if he has gone into hibernation. Hmm, maybe I should go and check on him? Can a squaddie do that to a captain?

The morale is really low at the moment. The weather doesn't help either. On patrol it is too cold to talk we keep our heads down and plod on. When we're back at the FOB, we all head for the med centre to warm up and even then, we're all quiet. The sooner Smurf comes back the better.

When Smurf comes back he will lift the spirits. Yes, he's a wanker and he did treat me like shit, but we need something/someone that can lighten the place up. The lads need a boost more than anything. Christmas is coming up. If nothing happens I'm gonna have to try and think of something.

12 December 2013

Fortunately, the snow has stopped this morning but it is still cloudy. I never thought it could snow in Afghan. I just thought it was sun and sand. To lighten everyone up I have decided to come up with a little competition. Today is our day off. 1 and 3 section are both out patrolling the village so during breakfast I thought I would make an announcement.

"Right ya cock wombles." I stand up and walk to the end of the table. They all look at me.

"So, as we're right miserable muppets, I thought of an idea to make today a bit more interestin'."

"Oh god, Dawes. What is in that head of yours now?" James just has to open his mouth doesn't he?

"Well, seen as you lot cant think of anythin, wha about a snowman buildin competition? The best snow man gets to 'ave this bar of chocolate." I pull a big bar of Cadburys Dairy Milk from under my top. They all stare at it. They all seem excited about joining in but boss and Kinders are just sat there drinking hot drinks.

"Will you two be joining in, Boss, Corporal?" They look at each other and nod. This could get interesting.

James stands up. "Ok then Dawes." He grabs the chocolate out of my hand.

"Oi! Ah don't think so.." I pinch it back off him. "I'll be the judge for this! And I will keep hold of this until ah decide who's the winner. Right?" He looks shocked that I have just grabbed the bar out of his hands, but then bites his lower lip. God, he's hot. Shut up Dawes he is your boss.

Everyone runs off to get changed in warm clothes after breakfast when I stay behind to wipe the tables, boss is still sat down.

"Well Dawes, I can honestly say I have not seen them so excited for weeks. Good idea."

"Sir was that a compliment? For me?" He gets up and scraps his plate.

"Just remember though Dawes, I bought all them hobnobs round with a cuppa." He's just winked. He has just bloody winked! Is he teasing me?

"Ah don't agree with blackmail boss." He's walking away but turns and smiles before opening the door.

I wrap up in my hat, scarf (which I managed to get back from Fingers) and mittens and head out to explain the rules. They are all stood in a circle.

"Alright then ya muppets." They all turn and face me even James and Kinders.

"Ya 'ave 30 minutes to build the best snowman."

"Aye Mols, what appens if someone destroys another person snowman?" Mansfield turns and looks and Dangles.

"Well, they're disqualified, they lose their snowman to the other person and they don't get the chocolate! Everyone ready? GO!"

They all run off in different directions. I head back into the med centre. I take my layers off and warm up inside whilst they're all busy building.

I knew the bar of chocolate mum had sent would come in handy. It certainly motivated them to do something.

"Urry up Mols its bloody freezing out here!" Fingers pops his head in and then walks off. I put my clothes back on and make my way out.

They're all stood next to their snowman and I have to say they all look good. They are covered in army uniforms, helmets and bullet proof vests. All the men are wearing their big coats, hats and gloves, I'm glad they're wrapped up. I go back in the med tent and pull out a clip board and pen, make a list of names and then head back out.

"Bloody hell Dawes, bit professional this is isn't it?"

"Well boss, I'll have you know tha I 'ave a GCSE in snowman makin'." He clicks and must remember the remark about the geography GCSE.

"Right I'll start with Nud-nut.." I head over to him and walk around the snow man. I pretend to write on the piece of paper. It proves to be impossible with mittens on.

"You can go n get a cuppa in the mess once I've inspected ya snowmen!"

"Yes Dawes.." they all respond in unison sarcastically. The twats!

"Come on Mols, you know I'm ya favourite!" Nude-Nuts gives me a wink. One think he doesn't realise is that his snowman- shall I say woman- with tits on. I hope the others are better.

Next I look at Kinders', his is very professional. His is sat down with legs and arms carved out of snow. Well at least this beats Nude-nut's.

Fingers, Baz and then Brains were next. Brains' has to be the best so far. Boss' is next. They all tried to charm me with pop tarts and some Heinz tomato soup. I'd love some soup. The ones from the mess tent are disgusting and when the weather is like this, a bit of Heinz soup wouldn't go a miss. I am not giving in to blackmail though.

I head over to James' snowman and his is probably the same standard Kinders. Again very professional.

"Don't forget Dawes. No more hobnobs!" I walk around the snowman and tilt my head to tease him. I walk around again and then pretend to write something down.

"Right boss, lets head inside."

"You're not going to tell me I have won in front of them lot are you?" I smile and walk off from him and he follows.

All the lads are sat down when I walk in. I make myself a cuppa and place it on the table where they are all sat.

"Well, after serious consideration, the winner of this Cadburys Dairy Milk is…" I pause for 5 seconds.

"Oh come on Dawes!" Kinders gives up.

"The winner is.. Brains!"

"YES!" he jumps up and immediately everyone but James start to moan. I sit down next to him when Brains bangs on the table. Everyone sits and shuts up.

"First of all.. I'd like to thank my mum and my dad for creating such a great son. And err.. I suppose I had better thank the amazing judge, Molly Dawes. So yea, unlucky lads!" he was trying to rub it in!

They head out for a snow ball fight and I stay to drink my tea, the boss is still sat down.

"One question Dawes. How the bleeding hell did I not win?"

"Well sir, you don't get a snowman in a Liverpool top, a football and then him holding a brew in his hand very often."

"Well my perfectly sculpted snowman wasn't good enough?"

"Is tha what it was meant to be?" We both laugh. I think the name posh balls has now gone. He seems to be a complete different person than the one at the start of the tour. He is more relaxed and he smiles more. Maybe we did get off on the wrong foot.

"Reckon them lot will be in the med tent after 10 minutes out there!" I smile. It makes me laugh how they all cramp in to warm up.

It goes quiet. "Do I still get ta ave some of ya obnobs then sir?" I ask the question in a serious tone but I can't help the grin across my face.

"That depends if I can come for a warm up too Dawes. My office doesn't have the luxuries that the med tent has." He looks at me in the eyes and smiles. There it is again, that beautiful smile!

I'm sat in bed thinking about today. One of the lads is snoring whilst I'm staring at the ceiling with my woolly hat on. I can't believe how fun today has been. Considering we have been moping about recently, I think we needed that boost. Hopefully we will not return to our miserable selves.

17 December 2013

I've never been away from home at Christmas time. It will be strange for me not to be woken up by the little bleeders. I miss them so much but I can't help thinking this Christmas might be a good one, I just have a good feeling about it.

The patrols are still quiet, I don't even understand why we're still here. We haven't had any contact for a while so I'm not sure what we're meant to do around here. Boss says he just does as he is told by the higher ups, which is fair enough I suppose but I don't know what we're meant to achieve when we're doing nothing.

Moral around the camp is higher and the lads seem excited about Christmas. When the boss comes into the med tent for the heater, he hints about how Christmas will be entertaining this year but he wont give any clues away. Bit tight really.

I have sent mum a letter saying how much I miss them all and even dad. Yes, I'll admit it I miss him too. Ever since I joined the army we get on a little better. We argue but not half as much as we used too. I just hope he has cut down on the drink, it is better for the kids and mum.


	5. Chapter 5

**This builds up to my next chapter. I just wanted to put something in to do with patrols and try not draw to the love side too much, yet anyway. Please read and review.**

Chapter 5

22 December 2013

Just when we thought the snow would disappear it seems to start again. I still can't get my nut around it snowing in Afghan. The snow around the compound had been cleared away by some of the ANA and 1 section, we could actually see the ground until now. It's only been snowing 30 minutes and the ground is covered already. We get more than bleeding England.

2 section's spirits have lifted. Baz has started to do a count down and each morning after waking up will run around hopping from bed to bed in the sleeping quarters shouting how many days until Christmas. The first time he did it, Fingers sat up and punched him in the nads, and it was hilarious!

Today we are heading into the village via the trucks. The village is a 25 minute walk without the snow so it would more than likely take longer with the snow and that. We are all cramped in the back but at least it's nice and warm, I know I'd rather be in here than out there.

I have James opposite me in the truck with Dangles to my right.

"So then boss, whats this special treat at Christmas?" Dangles breaks the silence. I doubt James will let out the surprise but I suppose its worth a try right?

"That would be ruining the surprise Dangles." Nah, I knew he wouldn't spill the beans. It must be something special if he's keeping it quiet.

"C'mon boss." I try to put on a sweet smile and he looks straight at me.

"No chance Dawes." And he winks. He's just winked. AT ME. AGAIN. In front of these as well. I hope none of the others noticed, I don't wanna get a name for myself like being his bleeding favourite.

We come to a stop at only what I assume is the village. We step out and its bloody freezing. The snow is deeper here than at the FOB. And guess what? Its snowing here too.

I look around and the streets are dead. There is no one to be seen, today is going to be long and boring. We walk through what would be shops which are all closed. There is smoke coming from the chimneys of the houses. They obviously have warmth in there and real fires which even we aren't allowed to light. The snow which has fallen is fresh and there aren't even any foot prints, its as if the place is deserted.

"Corporal, wha are we meant ta do when there no one about?" He turns and looks at me.

"I don't know Dawes. Maybe another snowman competition?" He smiles and laughs. I think he enjoyed building them more than the rest of the lads.

James appears and asks Kinders for a word. I wonder what will happen today. With no one being around, it will be difficult to tell if we are here to patrol or sent back to the CP. 3 section have left for the mountain early this morning, poor sods.

That's when there was a shot into a wall behind my head I ducked straight away and hid behind some metal barrels.

"Contact! Contact"

"Where the bloody hell did that come from?!"

I'm shitting myself. I daren't even look to see where the shot came from and I just sit there waiting and hearing things through my head set. I'm literally shaking.

"Dawes, have you been hit?" I hear James' voice. I don't answer.

"Mols, Molly? You ok?" Brains is shouting!

I hear another shot and I just pull my knees up to my chest.

"Well done lads!" I hear Kinders, maybe I should answer. For alls they know I could have been hit.

"Yes Corporal! Am fine."

I hear footsteps and who is it? James. Bloody brilliant. He has caught me sat here shitting myself. He holds out his hand and I take it but he doesn't say anything. He just helps me too my feet and walks off looking behind and I am unable to read the expression on his face. I'm still shaking when Baz and the rest come up to see if I am ok.

I am asked to confirm the insurgent is dead and it turns out he is. We call for the MERT to collect the body and I'm just sat starring at the blood stained snow next to the body bag. That could have been me! And why? Because I wasn't focused. I had let my guard down because there was no one around and they do say it's the ones you can't see you have to watch out for.

Its 1748 and I'm sat in the med tent. I have been sat in the same spot starring at the heater. The lads have been in for a warm up and keep asking how I am and what time we're going for dinner. I don't wanna eat. I think I will just spend the night in here, I have a few blankets so they will keep me warm throughout the night.

The incident at the mountain CP didn't affect me as much as that single shot. That could have been a kid. That could have been Bashira! I can think about it without having tears in my eyes. That could have been one of the lads from the section and that makes it worse. For one of those lads to get hurt would break my heart. They are the brothers I never had and I see them as my family.

I'm lay on the bed under my sleeping bag, 2 blankets, hot water bottle and my hat with the heating on of course. I keep staring at the ceiling when there is a shout from outside.

"Anyone in?" Before I can answer a head pops through the door, its James.

"Not up for dinner tonight Dawes?" I sit up and cross my legs. He comes in with a bowl and puts it on the side table, pulls out a bread roll and a pack of butter and sits on the end of the bed. It must be soup.

"You have to eat!" he looks at me and holds the stare for at least 5 seconds.

"If you don't eat I will have to send you back to Bastion." I look at him in shear panic. "I saw how you froze once that shot had been fired Dawes. That worried me, but the fact you haven't eaten or even spoken to any of us makes it worse." He stops and reaches for the soup and hands it too me. I take it off him. I don't want to eat but I know where he is coming from. If I don't seem fit, I will be sent back to Bastion and another medic will be called out. I don't want that.

"you got a spoon then boss?"

"Oh shit!" He bought me soup but forgot to bring a spoon. I stand up and head to a chest of draws. I pull out a medicine spoon and sit back down and get back into my sleeping bag.

"Not exactly the best soup is it?" He seems to try and make conversation but I'm just not in the mood for it tonight. The banter we usually have isn't there, he sits back further on the bed.

"I was on my second tour when I was hit. We were on our way to raid a compound." He stops to take a breath. I can't believe he has been hit. Where? I start to eat the soup with the plastic spoon. Leek and potato, its not that bad actually.

"A bullet ricocheted off my helmet. It knocked me out…" He is talking but he is watching his hands whilst intertwining them with one another. I cant believe he is telling me this.

"What I'm trying to get at is. . It's luck. It's luck that the bullet didn't kill me. And it was luck that you weren't hit today.. It frightened me too Molly, but we're in a war zone, we need to stay focused." He just called me Molly? Only the lads call me Molly, well Mols.

"I know boss. Am sorry." I finish my soup and place the bowl on the floor.

"It just frags with ya brain don't it? I see you recovered though!" I look up and smile.

"Nah.. I think it made me worse, signing up to two more tours." He smiles and I know he loves his job. I love mine too, more than I ever thought I would, but I forget how dangerous it is here.

He heads out to make some cuppas and comes back. We talk about his previous tours and where he was based. I find it interesting talking about his times in Afghan. I didn't speak much, I mainly listened to what he had to say and I didn't mind. Having company without having to put a smile on my face made me feel a bit better.

"Bloody hell, it 01.56 I'd better get some kip in." He stands up and heads for the door.

"If you ever need anyone talk to Dawes.. I'm only a few tents down." His voice is soft and we hold our glances for what seems like a while. He gives a soft smile and then walk out.

What the hell was that all about? I'd probably think more about it but I am way too tiered and need to sleep.

24 December 2013

The past few days have been difficult. I have been pretty miserable from the other day. The lads have been great, but they won't leave me alone for longer than half an hour, even the boss keeps asking how I am. But today, I feel different. Its Christmas Eve and I don't wanna ruin every one's Christmas as well as mine.

I'm awake early so I head out for the mess tent whilst everyone is still on bed. It's 0546 so the chefs will be starting breakfast soon. I make myself a cup of tea and sit down. I like this time in the morning, the place is so quiet and peaceful. The only people awake are the ones doing the night patrol and they're in the watch tower.

The door opens and Kinders walks in.

"Morning Dawes, not like you to be up at this time."

"Yea, thought ah'd get an early start yano. Maybe nip down ta Starbucks avoid the crowds in the tube.." He laughs and heads for the coffee machine. I sit holding my tea when he sits opposite across the table.

"You know, we all get scared out here. It's natural, especially when a shot is fired." He stirs his coffee and then adds a sugar. I wonder if he awake at this time most days?

"We've all been worried about you. We just hope you are back to yourself soon." He looks at me and then into his cup of coffee.

"Well ah don't wanna put a downer on every one's Christmas. 'ave just gotta suck it up and get on with it." I smile at him. I didn't realise that it affected everyone like it has and I actually feel guilty.

We sit in silence and the chefs start to cook and put breakfast out. James comes through the door a few minutes later and stops as soon as he sees me. He smiles and then puts his head down and walks over to where the food is served.

A minute or two later he is sat next to me on the bench. The camp outside has become louder, obviously people are awake more.

"Got enough on that plate boss? Want me grab ya another one?" He looks up at me after stuffing his face with scrambled eggs, his cheeks are full and I can't help but laugh. What I need to be careful of is Kinders is opposite and I cant help but look into his beautiful brown eyes. I'd never noticed before but I struggle to tear away.

"Whats appening today then boss?"

"We'll wait till the lads are here aye?" He's right it was wrong of me to ask. He sits there stuffing his face and to prove I am feeling better, I head back to the med tent to grab my hidden coco pops. I pour a bowl and head back to the mess tent. Ii grab some milk and sit back down to find all the lads have turned up and are stuffing their faces with bacon, sausages, eggs and toast. God knows how these lot are still fit with eating all this crap.

After breakfast we head for a briefing about today.

"We're heading out along this path, which as we can expect is covered in snow. The ANA have some knowledge of IEDs which may have been planted so we are to go and asses the area ensuring it is safe for the locals…" He goes on to say a dog handler would be used for the job, but as the weather is too bad for a chopper to fly out and it will take too long for a truck to come with the snow being so deep.

The patrol was a waste of time. Where the hell the bleeding ANA got that idea from I'll never know. The only thing we gained was the feeling in our hands and feet once we had returned to the FOB. James was pissed too. I can imagine he was thinking the same as me or at least along the same line. I don't think I have ever been so cold in my life.

When we got back, we all went for showers, which by the way are bloody freezing there is no hot water here unless its from a bleeding kettle. I head straight for the mess tent for food and catch an early night.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi everyone. Thank you so much for your reviews. This is a long chapter and i hope you enjoy. Please write reviews on anything that would need need to be changed?**

 **And we have a series 2! woohooooo.**

Chapter 6

25 December 2013

Bloody hell, if I thought Baz was excited about Christmas, I was bleeding wrong. Dangleberries woke us all up at 0405am, he was having a bloody giraffe if he thinks I'm getting up that early. All the lads told him to either shut up or fuck off. At least I'm not the only miserable one when it comes to sleeping.

The boss came in though. Shit we were late waking up. We stood at the end of our beds and got a right shouting at.

"If you lot think because it is Christmas day, you can get away with laying in bed an extra 15 minutes, you were completely wrong!" Wait there, the alarm clock-which is there for back up- did not go off, which fuck muppet turned it off?

"Excuse me boss.." I try to explain.

"I don't want to hear it Dawes.." He doesn't even look at me and storms out. Well shit, boss in a shit mood means Christmas is gonna be crap and miserable. Maybe Posh Balls is back, and on Christmas day.

"Which nob turned the alarm off?!" I'm pissed off. Whoever has done it has ruined today. We all look at each other and we're trying to read each other's expressions. They all deny switching the alarm off and I believe them, maybe it's someone from 3 section playing a prank?

Before we waste any more time, we change into our uniforms as fast as we can. I don't even brush my hair or my teeth (I feel like a right minger), I put it up in a messy bun and head straight out with the lads to the mess tent for breakfast.

Today, the ANA are taking over all patrols. I suppose that's nice of them aye? Considering we do most of the patrols anyway, they need to get used to us not being around.

The snow was cleared last night and again we can see the ground, I wonder how long for this time? It's still freezing though. Everyone in the mess tent is wearing Santa hats and all seem very excited and happy. Whereas us lot walk in miserable and worried about what the punishment we will get for waking up late.

We see Kinders and join him. Baz and Fingers collect their breakfast first and sit down saying Merry Christmas but Kinders ignores them and gets up to leave. We'll be scrubbing the shitter on Christmas day, great!

"Right c'mon lads, whose done it?" Brains looks at Mansfield in which we all do.

"I swear down I have not touched the alarm clock!" I actually believe him.

I wanna know what the hell has gone on here! I know none of us would turn the clock off and then sleep through it too, even these lot weren't that dumb. I head for the boss' office.

I walk out and he is there. He is outside the door with Kinders. And guess who else!

"Lads ya 'ad better get ya arses out 'ere."

"Alright shit 'eads! Merry Christmas!"

"It's fucking Smurf lads!" All the lads run down the two steps and jump on him. It's so good to see him. Once they have all finished I give him a hug to welcome him back and he holds me longer than what is normal.

"Let go then ya Newport Numpty. Good ta see ya Smurf" I look at Kinders and he is smiling, this is our surprise and it is great. It's nice to be as a whole especially at Christmas. Then I look at the boss who has a really miserable face on him. Bloody hell he is still bitter about the bleeding alarm clock?

"C'mon Smurf lets see your rusty bullet hole." Baz asks Smurf, all the lads are excited and it's good to see. He asks if I want a feel. Why would I want to feel his bleeding groin? I did that when I saved his life, I won't be doing it again.

"It's a shame they didn't shoot ya in the 'ead put us all out of misery." He knew I was joking. Despite being in the shit with the boss, the lads had cheered up after seeing Smurf. It was bloody Smurf!

"Oi ya muppet! It was you want it?" I shout at him hitting him on the arm.

"Dunno what your on about Mols."

"It was you who turned the alarm off. Its your fault we're in the shitter with the boss."

"I don't know what you're talking about Dawes." That wasn't Smurfs voice. That was the Boss'. Shit.

"Sir?" I turn around and he is there.

"Well I thought, as it is Christmas, you should get a few minutes lay in…" He looked pretty pleased with himself. What a twat.

"It was good to see you all panicking and then once you all saw Smurf it was a good surprise!"

"So your tellin me that you planned this? And he's the bleeding surprise?"

"Unfortunatly Dawes."

"Oi I am here yano!" Smurf pipes up and we all laugh..

We have all been taken for bloody fools. What idiots we are.

The boss tells us to gather in the tent where the meetings are held. It does look like we're working today. Oh well, I suppose it saves us the hassle of wondering what we would be doing at home, with our families.

"Take a seat gentlemen, Dawes." We all get out our notepads ready to take note. Kinders walks in with 3 sacks full of what looks like mail and I cant help but I smile. I look at the boss and he is watching me, he smiles back but immediately turns away.

"Pads away lads! First of all, We have a little surprise for you. You will get 2 hours free time after you have received your mail. Lunch will be served at 12.00 on the dot, anyone late will be eating the left overs and will be washing the pans." He smirks as if he has seen the image in his head.

He calls out the names of everyone and they wonder off in different directions. These letters will be emotional for most of us, that's why I assume they have given us a couple of hours. Smurf is next and I tell him to head over to the med tent so we can have a catch up in a bit. In the end theres just me and the boss.

"So Dawes, this one is yours" He throws the parcel to me and I catch it.

I'm too excited and begin to open it here, in front of him. There is a letter, the new West Ham shirt, a onsie-this will come in use at night- and a thermal mug for cuppas. I couldn't think of anything better.

I pick up my Shirt and smell it. It smells of home and I can't hold my tears back. I hear footsteps and he sits beside me. I feel the movement of the bench when he sits down. He doesn't say anything and he has his mail on his lap and begins to open it.

"I'd better go sir. Leave you in peace."

"Stay Dawes. I wouldn't mind the company." He gives a sympathy smile. I suppose I would only be worse if I was sat on my own. He has seen me cry before, I don't see what difference it makes now.

"What is your Christmas like Dawes? Well when you're at home." I sit down on the bench infront of him and turn to face his way.

"Well, the little bleeders wake up at stupid o'clock. Usually scream the 'ouse down. That's when me n 'ma dad stumble down stairs both thinkin what are we doing up this early.." I am making it sound bad, but I miss it. I would love to be there right now.

"Openin' presents don't last long though. Within 10-15 minutes its ova. But Christmas dinner is my favourite. We never spend dinner around a table as a whole family. Even me an ma dad get along! It's just a completely different day than the rest." I laugh because I remember last year, me and my dad just got pissed at night down the pub. We had a really good night.

"Whatta 'bout you bossman?"

"Bossman?" He seems confused.

"Well, makes a change from sir don't it." I smile wiping my tears away.

"Well I haven't been at home for Christmas in a while Dawes. The past 4 I have missed. But when I was a child. My house was always well decorated. My mum's favourite time of the year. It take hers at least 2 days to decorate the place. And even then, she walks around tweaking branches and whatever. You should see it Dawes!"

"Are you inviting me for Christmas boss?" He begins to smile. He is a complete different person when he smiles. The frown lines disappear. He relaxes.

"You're wishing Dawes." He winks and I can't help feeling that I would love to go to his parents' house for Christmas. I wonder what he looks like in his civvies?

"I'll 'ave ya know I can be posh sometimes!" He was looking at his feet and then looks up and smiles but lifts an eyebrow.

"Well, we will have to see how posh you are Dawes." We are flirting. I am bloody flirting with the boss and I like it. He smiles again.

"I ad better go Boss. I promised Smurf we would 'ave a catch up." His smile disappears.

"Bye Dawes." He doesn't even look at me. I thought he would like the privacy. I noticed he hadn't opened his mail. But he went strange when I mentioned Smurf, was he jealous? If he was, there is nothing going on between me and Smurf. Urgh gives me the willies just thinking about it.

I look at him and then walk off. Why would he go from a relaxed, flirtatious hotty back to captain stern face? What did I do or even say wrong?

I aren't gonna let it bother me. It's Christmas day, I'm not gonna waste my time worrying about what I said or did ruin my day. I head to the med tent with my mail.

I expect to see Smurf but he isn't here. Instead of going to look for him, I sit down and open my letter.

 _Dear Molly,_

 _We're all thinking about you at this time of year. As you know, it's the only day of the year we act as a family. This year just isn't the same without you._

 _Your dad has gone 4 months without drinking. I keep telling him how proud you will be when you return home, to your family. He has changed Mols. He even feeds and changes Marten and even you know that he never changed any of the others nappies._

 _The little ones are well. As always very excited about Christmas. Nanna will be round as well on Christmas and my friend Shazza will join us too. But it isn't the same without you._

 _Merry Christmas Molly._

 _Love your Mum_

 _XXXX_

Oh I am glad I didn't read this in front of James. The tears are running down my face and I try to stop but I cant. I am so proud of my dad. I am proud of them all, but who the bleeding hell is Shazza? Anyway, this has to be the best Christmas present I have ever received. It means so much to hear from them and I couldn't be happier.

I head for a shower. If Smurf wanted to catch up he would have come by now. I have an hour to shower, brush my hair and put some clean clothes on before Christmas dinner. The showers are quiet but still bloody freezing.

I towel dry my hair and sit next to the heater in the med tent. I wear my best combat trousers and T-shirt, I wonder if I am allowed to wear my West Ham shirt? I'd better not, I don't wanna get in the bad books of the boss, again.

I head to the mess tent to see there is a que outside waiting to go in. I'm outside freezing for at least 10 minutes when I finally get in. The place has been transformed.

There are streamers hanging from the ceiling, there are fairy lights around the trollies where the food is served, Christmas songs are playing and the tables have table clothes and crackers. The place looks amazing. Who would have thought we were in a war zone?

I sit down at the table joining the lads from 2 section. They have Santa hats on, where di they get them from.

"Nice of you to join us Dawesy." Fingers is being sarcastic but I ignore him. I'm not that late am I? No one is eating so what is the problem? Smurf is in the middle between the lads.

"Here ya are Mols. Special one for you." He hands over a hat, but it has plated pig tails hanging down both cheeks. I laugh but put it on, it looks like Smurf has go the gist of me being one of the lads now. He smiles and I can't help but feel happy for him to be back.

James stands on a chair and gives a little speech.

"Gentlemen.. As it is Christmas, we have been gifted an amazing dinner! Unfortunately there aren't any words to comfort any of you who wish to be spending Christmas with your families…" He looks down at me and then back at the other tables. Was that a hint from the conversation earlier? He carries on his speech but I just look up staring at him.

He is one beautiful man. His brown eyes, I could just look at them all day. And I would love to run my fingers through them curls. I have only just noticed he has a little stubble going on and it looks good!

".. So lets enjoy the rest of our day!" I didn't really listen too much of what he has just said but with a view of him, I don't mind Christmas being here!

We que up table by table for our Christmas dinner. The lads have a plate full of food. I thought I would play it safe and just have the norm. I am surprised though, they have even sent us pigs in blankets! My favourite, they definitely make the Christmas dinner.

There is friendly banter flying around the table. I am happy to be here at Christmas, as much as I miss my mum and sisters, these lot are also my family and I feel honoured to be here.

After the dinner, the crackers are pulled. Smurf walks around the table with a cracker and heads towards me.

"Merry Christmas Dawsey!" He holds out the cracker and I pull the other end. I win.

"Your shit Smurf!" I cant help but laugh. I have really missed him and I didn't realise until he was back. He sits down next to me on the bench.

"I'm here for you Mols!" What the bleeding hell was he on about?

"What ya on 'bout Smurf?" I laugh, I don't understand him.

"I'm there for you. You know, when you need someone." Ok, I see Smurf as my friend, I do, but with what he did before he was shot, am I really meant to trust him?

"Whatever" Before it gets awkward I get up to scrap the gravy off my plate.

Lunch was amazing, we're all sat in the med tent warming up with the heating on. I have moved the med bed to the side so there is more room. All the lads are here including Kinders, but I'm not sure where the boss is. Maybe he is still bitter over earlier?

The lads have bought in the poker set Finger's mum had sent him today. They are all trying to explain the rules to Mansfield, poor sod. I just said it wasn't my thing and that I would watch.

Brains was sat in his Liverpool shirt and Mansfield has his Derby shirt on so surely I should be able to put mine on? I don't really care, the boss isn't happy with me as it is so what difference would it really make?

I look at the lads enjoying the poker when Smurf stands up and sits next to me.

"Missed me then?"

"Ya 'avin a laugh aren't ya?" I have missed him, but I'm not gonna admit it to him am i?

"Well, I thought.." I finish his sentence off before he carries on.

"Ya thought tha cos I saved ya life, I would miss avin to look after ya?"

He shuts up and sits watching the lads.

"Was that meant to be your poker face Mansfield, looks like your gonna shit yourself." Brains only has to come out with one line and he makes people laugh.

"I'm gonna get a brew anyone want one?"

No one replies they are all focused on the game and I leave them too it. Outside it has started to go dark I look at my watch and it is 1743. Bleeding hell, how fast has today gone? I walk past the Boss' tent when I hear music. There is a little gap in the tent door and I can't help but peek a look through.

He is sat at his desk with his feet on the table but I can't see where the music is coming from. I slip on the wooden step and fall on my arse. I hear footsteps and look up to see him looking down at me.

"Everything ok Dawes?" He has a confused expression on his face.

"Just thought ah would test see ow comfy this step was boss." He puts his hand out to offer me help me up and I take it. His hand is lovely and warm and I want to hold it longer.

"Did you want something Dawes?"

"Just wonderin if ya want a cuppa boss."

"No your alright Dawes." I walk off. I've made a right tit of myself. What the hell was I doing spying on a captain?

I have found a new hiding place away from everything and everyone. It is on the room of the shitter, but I can imagine when winter has gone and the sky is clear I will be able to see the stars! I sit up and look out of the compound.

It is nice to have some time to myself. I love all the lads but sometimes I just need my own space, I suppose that is why I spend do much time in the med tent. I am bleeding freezing and my tea in my new thermal cup is nice and warm.

I make my way down when I make the boss jump..

"Bloody hell Molly. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" Molly? He just called me Molly again. I wonder what his first name is? I could check the med documents but that would be stupid. He is your boss, that is all you need to know!

"Sorry boss, just ermm, avin a wonder!"

"Have you read your letter Dawes?" Oh we're back to Dawes now!

"Yes Sir, sounds like they're missin me." I put on a little smile because I really do miss them.

"Who wouldn't?" what? Did I just hear that? Who wouldn't miss me? Does that mean he would miss me if I wasn't here?

"Ad a drink ave ya boss? Give us some aye?" I try to make a joke. I don't want it to be awkward between us.

He smiles at me and closes the gap between us. Wow this is close. I look up and he is looking at me. Why has he come so close? Normally they come this close to shout in your face.

He lifts his hand to my cheek and strokes it gently with his thumb and I cant help but lean into his touch. What is going on here? I lose sight of his eyes as were in the shadows of the shitter. The snow is falling when we hear the lads pouring out of the mess tent and we both instantly step away from each other.

WHAT THE HELL HAS JUST HAPPENED?


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

27 December 2013

Over the past few days patrols have been shit. The weather is shit. The team spirit is shit (despite Smurf being back). Everything is shit.

We have been on three patrols within two days, all being up the mountain CP. It is a right bleeding trek. Surely the boss could have made another section go up once?

And there is the other shit thing. Since Christmas day, the boss hasn't spoken to me, he hasn't even looked at me. I have been thinking back to that night, I did nothing wrong. He was the one who closed the gap between us. He was the one who touched my cheek. But I was the one who leaned into his touch. Anyway. If he can't face me, why should I worry about what happened. I did nothing wrong here.

Hopefully with New Year's Day coming up, everyone will cheer up. It's just a shame we can't get pissed.

29 December 2013

So the New Year is approaching and we all seem to be excited. We keep joking about going to the pub to get smashed and wishing we could all have a beer.

We haven't had any snow since Christmas day. The mountains are still covered but from the amount of a patrols, a path has been cleared. It's still freezing though.

We all head for a mission briefing including 1 section too. It isn't very often both sections go out on patrol.

We all take a seat on the bench and then rise when Kinders, the boss and corporal Jennings walk in.

"Sit down lads…" Again he doesn't even acknowledge me. It feels like the first few weeks of tour! Before Christmas day, I never realised how much eye contact we made.

"Right. Over the next few days patrols will be stepped up. A small group of insurgents are planning an attack on the CP. 2 section will patrol in the morning until early noon and 1 section will patrol from the afternoon until late at night where the ANA will take over. Is that understood?"

"Sir." We all reply in unison.

"Medic.." Oh shit, he is talking to me. I look up at him and he continues.

"..You will head to the mountain with 2 section and return with 1, understand?"

"Yes sir.." Oh great I get the bleeding long shift don't I? But at least he has spoken to me. Although he referred me as the medic and not Dawes at least he hasn't forgotten about me.

We are dismissed from the briefing and I head into the med tent. I put the heater on and read the letters my mum had sent me at Christmas. Again they have me in tears, maybe I shouldn't read them if they I end up in a state like this.

There is a pat on the tent door. Wiping my tears away I stand up and tell whoever it is to come in.

"I need you to check over my blisters Dawes." Well I never thought I would see his face around here any time soon.

"Sir." _Keep it strictly professional Molly. If he wants to act as if nothing happened, so can you._

He takes a seat on the med bed and begins to take his socks and shoes off laying them gently on the ground.

I put some gloves on and kneel at his feet. His blisters are healing. They are not as bad as before but they still need treating.

We are both quiet whilst I dress his blisters and I can't help but feel he is watching me. Whilst on the floor I pick up the equipment I used to dress his blisters and stand up.

"There ya go Sir." I turn and dispose of my gloves and the antiseptic wipes in the bin. I expect him to just say thanks and be on his way but he hasn't said anything and just stays where he is, sat on the bed.

"Tha everythen sir?"

He still doesn't reply. What the hell am I meant to say, or even do? Do I just walk out and leave him here? After cleaning up he is still watching me, very closely.

"Sir, is everything ok?" I can't help myself. Maybe he will enlighten me about what happened on Christmas day.

He bends down and begins to put his socks and shoes back on.

"Just let the lads know we will be leaving at 0500 tomorrow. You'll be stuck with me all day Dawes." He smiles. I haven't seen him smile since Christmas day and I had forgotten how beautiful it is. The awkwardness seems to have disappeared.

"Well, lucky you Sir.."

"Indeed." He walks out not looking behind him. What am I meant to think after that? Maybe he was just being sarcastic. He is good at that, he does it with the lads.

30 December 2013

The weather report for today. Very cloudy, it has warmed up a little, I actually broke into a sweat whilst walking up to the mountain. There is still snow on the grounds though and I really am sick of seeing it, but I suppose I will moan when all we see is sand in a few weeks/months.

The lads seem back to their usual selves today. I am not sure if it is because of the threat on the CP or the fact that it is New Year's Eve tomorrow, either way, I'm happy that they're happy.

This morning Dangles has had the piss taken out of him. Apparently he has Small sized boxers and they won't let the subject go. This is how bad it is getting out here, they pick on the smallest of things.

We have been sat at the mountain CP for 7 hours and it's boring. I'm just sat in the temp med centre going over the equipment again and again. The lads come in one at a time to have a little break. Even though I don't have a heater in here, it is still warmer than being out there in the wind.

On the walk up here, the boss stayed in front. He didn't say a word to anyone. I don't understand his mood swings. How am I meant to spend more than 16 hours a day with someone who won't even look at me?

I'm just sat here bored. I can't really say it is pointless being here but I can't help but think what will happen once we leave here. I mean, we are here to protect the village but will the ANA continue when we leave? Will the girls ever be allowed to go to school? My thoughts are disturbed.

"Alright Mols…" It's Smurf. It must be his turn for a break.

I don't respond and he sits next to me on the temp bed.

"Everythin ok Smurf?" He really doesn't seem himself.

"Yea, ma mum. I'd just rather be with her this time of year than be here." Who wouldn't? But I do feel sorry for his mum. Smurf lost his brother on tour two years ago. The boss was his captain then, apparently he crawled 500 metres to retrieve his body. Again, this is probably why the lads respect him so much.

"I'm sure she would ave ya there as well. Then again, she probably loves the peace 'n quiet!"

I nudge him with my elbow and he laughs a bit.

"So, what have ah missed?"

"There's not much to tell ya.." I try to think of anything that has happened in the FOB but the only thing that comes to mind is me and the boss. _What is wrong with me?_

"Oh.. Thomson from 3 section managed to get 'imself knocked out. Wrong place at the wrong time kinda thing." He laughs and I explain what actually happened.

"Alright then Fellas.." We hear Kinders outside and stand up to walk out.

1 section have turned up and it looks like the lads will be soon on their way to the FOB. I'm not gonna lie, I'd much rather be heading back with these lot than be sat in here on my own for the next god knows how many hours. I don't speak to the lads from the other sections, they don't make any effort to make conversation so why would I want to be around them? I could always speak to the boss, but that would depend on what mood he is in.

"You gonna be alright 'ere Mols?" Fingers asks and he looks worried. All the lads turn to face me with the same look on their faces. But I can't help feeling more secure with them. This will be the first time I have been out of the compound without them.

"Dunna worry about me. You lot go back, 'ace showers, cuppa teas and I'll sit up 'ere freezing me toes off on me own." They all laugh.


	8. Chapter 8

**I know the stories are long winded but they will begin to get more interesting soon.**

30 December 2013

Finally we're back off to the FOB. I can no longer feel my toes, feet, fingers, hands, nose and ears. And worst of all, I have sat in the bleeding temp med centre on my own all evening and I'll be up here every day for God knows how long.

At 2032 the boss comes in.

"Pack up Dawes, we're off home in 20!" I can honestly say that was the best thing someone has said to me all day. He walked straight out afterwards. I realise we haven't spoken since I treat his blisters. Maybe this is how he should act around us, keeping us at arm's length, not touching bleeding squaddies.

I pack up the equipment and then remember I will have to carry the stretcher back too. Usually Dangles will carry it for me folded up in his Burgan out of good will. This is why I love to be with 2 section!

I walk out to see 1 section and Captain James waiting for me. I give the boss a small smile as if to thank him for waiting and he looks away.

"Right Reeds, lead the way!" The sun has gone down and the temperature has dropped. Not that I could be any colder, but hopefully this walk back to the FOB might warm me up a little. We have to put our night vision goggles on and then press forward.

I'm not sure the names of all the lads in this section, I know it is bad, but I spend most of the time with 2 section, thankfully. Not once have any of the lads spoken to me, it is like they haven't even made the effort to make any conversation what so ever.

We're more than half way when shots are fired and we drop to the ground.

"Contact Contact."

"Every one stay down!" James is shouting, he doesn't use the radio. The shock has got us all.

"150 metres behind them rocks, 2 insurgent's!" I shout through the radio.

I look beside me to see Heath down.

"You alright fella?" There's no response. Shit.

"Boss Heath is down I need to assess where he has been hit." I pull my Burgan off my back. How am I meant to treat someone with these things on my head.

"Sir we're gonna 'ave to medivac 'im outta ere. I can't treat him through these goggles." I can't see any blood or any wounds.

"Can ya 'ear me? C'mon mate, its bleeding New Year tomorra!" I hear a grunt coming from his mouth as if trying to speak.

"What was tha? I need you to speak more clearly for me." It is even more difficult when there are bullets being fired.

"MERT is on its way, 4 minutes."

"Right mate, I need to keep making noises for me." I decide to feel for any bullet holes. I start with both of his arms, clear. I then move my hands over his chest down to his abdomen. Then move down to the right side of the legs down the leg to the ankle. No nothing there. Maybe he has been his in the back. I work my way up his left leg and just above the knee I feel Heath flinch.

"Got cha. It's alright mate, we're gonna get you outta ere. Just keep talking to me." I pull out the tourniquet and strap it just above the knee. As I am doing this shots are still being fired.

"1 jackpot." Thank god. Just one more to go. I carry on treating Heath. I apply a bandage and wrap the wound carefully.

"'Ow long on the MERT Boss?"

"1 minute 40 seconds Dawes." Right I have to keep him talking. I crawl to where his head is. I have done all I can for the gun wound. I pick up his head and rest it on my knee.

"What's ya wifes name then mate?" I need to make conversation he needs to stay awake.

"ur.." He is struggling. "S..ue" His words are stretched but at least he is talking.

"Ow long you been together then?"

"2 jackpot" They have both of the insurgent's, but it would still be dangerous to flash a torch whilst being out here. Overhead I hear the MERT it should be long.

"They're here now mate. They're gonna look after you, alright?"

"..th..nk you." Well it is my job pal. What did he expect me to do just let him die?

After I have attached him to the winch and he has been lifted up I pack up my Burgan and put the gloves in one of the empty bandage packets. I put my Burgan on my back and stand up with my gun in my hands.

"Ready boss." I radio through.

Tonight has been a nightmare and it all happened so fast. When we got back, we had a debrief with 1 section. Both sections are to only be out of the compound when it is light. The boss mentioned something about losing men over 'fucked up situations', fair enough.

After the meeting, I made my way over to the mess tent. I am absolutely shattered, but I won't be able to sleep with what has happened. Before I reach the middle of the compound, I hear the boss shout me over into his office.

I poke my head through the door and stand to attention and then relax.

"Dawes, excellent work out there. Both finding the insurgent and then treating Heath." I nod my head and give a little smile.

"Just doin me job boss." I feel embarrassed, almost shy.

"You did well Molly." He has just called me Molly again.

"Thanks." I give an awkward smile.

He digs inside a draw next to his desk and pulls out a pack of biscuits. Hobnobs! He holds them out to offer them to me.

"No your alright boss, am just off to get a brew. Want one?" He smiles at me. Again I realise how much I have missed him. I have missed him looking at me and speaking to me.

"No thanks Dawes. I think we had better go to bed, another early start tomrrow." He is right.

"Yes sir." I turn and walk out of his office without saying anything else.

That is when I realise how much I fancy him.

31 December 2013

The patrol today wasn't as bad as yesterday. With being out all day and being shot at yesterday, today has kind of felt like a day off.

We heard back from Bastian this evening, Heath has been very lucky. There will be no permanent damage to his leg which is great. but he won't be returning to the FOB.

I have spent most of today with Smurf. Ever since he has come back, I haven't had much chance to catch up with him. He keeps asking me to go out on a date once we're back home. He is having a laugh if he thinks I want to be seen in public with him.

2 section have been really supportive after last night's event. Fingers and Brains are constantly asking questions about what happened last night. I have to just keep telling them that we need to be more careful out here.

Since being back from patrols the lads have set up poker in the mess tent. I am glad they have started to use that place instead of the med tent. It gives me a little more privacy and time to think without being disturbed. That's when there is a tap on the door. It the boss.

"Dawes everyone in the mess tent, please." He smiles at me and then walks off. What is going on?

I finish tidying up and make my way over to the mess tent.

2 section are gathered around the table when I walk in with the boss and Kinders stood at the end.

"Take a seat Dawes." Kinders point for me to sit next to Baz.

"As it is New Year we have a special treat lined up."

"Whos that then Sir?" Dangles asks.

"I'm talking mega… huge!"

"What prince Harry?" Nude-nut seems to have woken up. The bloody prince, out here? No chance.

"Prince Harry? He's gagging to get out ere. Are you tellin us you've gone n bagged us the royal Ginge Sir?" well I have to ask, I can't imagine him coming out here, the security hasn't even been stepped up.

"Ask me no questions, I tell you no lies Dawes." He winks at me and looks away. He's just winked at me! The boss has just winked, at me!

Maybe we will be getting more mail? I reckon there is 99.9% chance that Prince Harry will not be the special guest

Whilst we are all sat down, we decide to have an early dinner. The boss and Kinders have decided to sit and eat with us for a change. The food tonight is bangers and mash, I haven't had this in bleeding ages! I have Baz and Smurf beside me and then the boss and Fingers opposite.

"Bangers n mash, this the surprise then boss?" I look up after stuffing my mouth and he is looking at me smiling. Will I ever get enough of his smile? I think not.

"Looks like you haven't had a sausage in a while Mols!" we all burst out laughing, the boss included. That was a good comment, coming from Mansfield.

"Pipe down Prince Harry!" I take a quick glance at the boss and he is smiling. He really should smile more often. He sees me staring at him and I look away immediately looking down the table to Brains.

There are comments being thrown around the table and it's so good to see us all together. Smurf nudges me with his elbow.

"Do I get a New Year kiss tonight or what Mol?" I can't help but laugh. Is he being serious?

"Touch me mate and I'll break ya arm!" But I can't help laughing. The lads begin to hurl abuse at him.

"So when are we getting this surprise then boss? I mean, I want an early night these early starts are killin me."

"I'd have you down as a party animal Dawes. Actually.." He stands up to speak to everyone in the mess tent.

"I want everyone out in the compound at 2200 hours, is that understood?" Everyone is looking at him at this point. This means I have a couple of hours to shower and put my glad rags on.

…..

I look down at my watch and it is 2148. I have had a nice cold shower-it wasn't so nice-, dried my hair-so it is wavy and curly- and put on my West Ham shirt. This is not how I would dress if I was gonna go out up town, but these are the best clothes I have. Picking up my coat I head out.

It is dark and cold and I can see everyone huddled around the stage. Certain lights have been turned off so it is darker than what it would be. I notice Smurf stood next to Brains and head towards them.

"Whats goin on?"

"Just waiting for Prince Harry Mols." Brains has a big grin across his face. Surely he isn't as gullible as the rest.

That's when the boss appears from the stage. Blue, green, red and yellow lights come on and there is a massive cheer.

"Alright alright… I would like to welcome our special guests The corps of Army Music…"

"Wheres Harry Sir?" To be honest, I am slightly disappointed. It would have been great to have met him.

The boss begins to clap the group onto the stage and a few of the lads begin to join in. We are all dreading it and some begin to walk off. Is this really the surprise?

They begin to play and we all begin to recognise what they are playing. Its only Bleeding Amy Wine house! And there is a singer.

The men who had started to walk off have come to join us again and we all start to dance to the music. Ok, maybe this was a good idea. Fingers, Baz and Dangles then join us and I end up dancing with Smurf. He begins to twirl me around and even has his hand just above my hip. He had better watch where he puts that!

At the corner of my eye I see the boss looking at me and Smurf and that's when I move away from him, is he jealous? I head over to him. The band have started to play The Killers- Mr Brightside. I would love to stay and dance with the lads but instead I dance my way over singing.

"Good surprise this boss. Fancy a dance or wha?"

I can't read his expression.

"Follow me Dawes." Am I gonna get into trouble for dancing with Smurf? It was a little inappropriate. Was it?

We walk beside his office. There is a small gap between the med tent and his office and it is dark down here.

"Everything ok Boss? If it was cos ah was dancing with Smurf it won't hap…" I'm stopped.

I have been pushed against the med tent walk and his hands are in my hair. He pulls my hair gently to lift my head to face him.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

 _I have been pushed against the med tent walk and his hands are in my hair. He pulls my hair gently to lift my head to face him._

We are kissing. I am bleeding kissing the boss. His lips are soft and moist, his tongue is in my mouth and I can't help but enjoy what is going on. The kiss slows down and he pulls away.

"Molly..I umm. We.. we can't do this." He looks down at his hands and then looks at me. What am I meant to say to him? He was the one who asked me to follow him I was just following orders. (That's not an excuse though is it really?)

"Boss….Am.. Am sorry." I walk off. I realise what we have just done could cost us both our jobs. We know a relationship in the army is totally forbidden. Why have we just done this?

I'm in the middle of the compound back where the party is going on and I can't help but look back. He is stood in the light and runs his hands through his hair. I am so overwhelmed I have begun to cry. Instead of going back to the lads, I head for my hiding place above the shitter. I wipe my tears away with just my hand. I climb on top of the metal container and then pull myself up.

The metal is cold when I sit down but it does not bother me. I pull my knees up to my chest and just sit sobbing.

Why did he have to touch me on Christmas day?

Why did he have to kiss me just?

More importantly, why did I kiss him back?

I'm just so confused with what is going on between us. Nothing can ever happen, no one can ever know about that kiss.

It's freezing up here, but I know I am away from the lads and the boss. I just want to be on my own, away from everyone, away from Afghan!

2 January 2014

The past two days have been the worst whilst being out here. If I thought the boss was rude at the beginning of tour, he is even worse now. He doesn't even look at me never mind talk to me.

The lads are asking why I am so miserable and why the boss is so distant. Hopefully, none of the others will put two pieces together and guess what has happened.

The patrols have been the easiest though. On the way up to the CP, we are all on the lookout for any insurgents so the lads are very quiet. And when we arrive, I set up the med centre and just stay in there all day only showing my face when we have lunch.

I just hope we can get back to normal. But I suppose it could take a while with what has gone on. I wonder if we will ever have just a normal conversation again.

9 January 2014

The weather has started to improve, but only slightly. The snow has melted in and around the compound and there are little spots of drifts up the mountain. I cannot wait for the sun to be back.

We have a meeting today about the patrols up to the mountain, I have my fingers crossed that only one section will have to trek up to the CP. But who knows, especially when the boss is in this awkward mood.

We haven't spoken about the kiss on New Year's and I don't plan on doing so either. I have thought about it over and over again, nothing could ever happen. We are completely different in many ways. The way he has handled what has gone on has annoyed me even more. He could at least look at me, I just feel so worthless.

Smurf has been around a lot lately. He is always putting his arm around me asking for a hug and I accept. It is the one thing I need at the moment but I want it from the boss and not Smurf. I cannot help but think Smurf has started to develop feelings for me, just what I need really, NOT!

1 and 2 section are to be briefed together. I have my fingers crossed. The boss walks in and we all stand to attention, Kinders follows.

"Relax.." There he is, Captain Stern face! I can't even look at him. He has made me feel like shit, but I know I should be paying attention. I pull put my note pad and pretend I'm writing notes as he is talking.

"So, as we all know, there has been no action up or around the mountains. 1 or 2 section will be sent up once a day…" I'm still looking down at my note pad. Well, my wishful thinking worked!

".. but that doesn't mean we are safe. We still need to remain focused and alert!" Here we go I really cannot be bothered to listen to him ramble on.

A few moments later and he walks out. All the lads begin to talk but I feel so unsociable, I have to exit straight away.

I really need to get a grip. I need to get over what has happened. It will not happen again, not a chance but I still can't help my feelings for the boss. Only 3 months left!

13 January 2014

We are the village today and it is so good to see Bashira. I see her in the market whilst we were patrolling the place but she had ran off and left her scarf on the ground.

I start to run after her not thinking about where I am or how dangerous my actions could be.

"Bashira!" I shout after her and she stops, turns around and smiles at me.

"Ya dropped ya scarf." I can't help but smile back, she is such a beautiful girl.

"..Thank you."

"That's alright, that's wha we're ere for!"

"Sang Chill Bazi?" It is a game she has tried to explain, but I still don't understand what I'm meant to.

"Ahh am rubbish at this!" Once again Bashira wins. Every times she has won she has a smile on her face and it is priceless.

"Ma mom sent these out, they're pang!"

"Peng?" I pull some rhubarb and custard sweets out of my pouch.

"Ere, save these for Ron." Poor girl looks so confused.

"Later… Ron!" We were having one of our little bonding moments when a man appears from a compound.

"Bashira!" Alright mate, she's only having a sweet, jeez. He must be her dad, she throws the sweets on the floor and pulls her scarf over her head.

"Dawes.." shit, that's the boss. I had forgotten for a moment I had wondered off. I turn around to face him and realise this is the first time we have looked at each other since New Year. Shit, he is pissed!

"Excuse me a second, when did Her Majesty die and make you the queen?" What the hell is he on about now? Is this one of his sayings?

"Sir?"

"You are not in charge. You do not wonder off." Oh god, maybe posh balls has returned.

"Sorry sir, its just.." I can't even finish my sentence.

"Do you realise how much danger you have just put yourself in?" He is ragging now, if he didn't like me before, he hates me now!

"Sorry sir, the girl dropped her scarf.." Again he interrupts

"So you thought you would risk your life to pick it up?" I'm just going to keep my mouth shut. I look up at him and he is angry, but all I want him to do is to wrap his arms around me and hug me.

"Yes sir." I look around and realise all of the locals are staring at us. Shit, this could have been serious. He turns and walks off. Well at least we have spoken and looked at each other for the first time in days.

12 January 2014

The past three days have been vile! Not only has the boss ignored me, but he has even put me on latrine duty due to wondering off on patrol. Well, at least I won't be doing it again.

I have become a lot closer to Smurf too. I have begun to realise that he is my best friend out here. I mean, I can't talk to him about what happened with Captain James, but we both talk about our families and our plans after the army. Neither of us really know what we want to do.

"Cuppa then Mols?" Smurf was sat next to me on the stage but has now stood up to face me.

"Ya owe me more than a brew!" No he actually doesn't, but I have to make a joke out of it.

"That's right. What about a bacon butty?"

"Your life aint worth more than a bacon butty mate" We both laugh and he walks off in the direction of the mess tent.

The sun is finally out and I feel a lot better today than what I have for the past week. Baz asked his dad to send over Monopoly so they are playing that in the med tent. I don't mind them lot using it. They always ask if they can go in and they don't mess about with the equipment so why not?

I have been thinking- yes that is a worry. What happened between me and the Boss was just something because he felt lonely at Christmas and New Year, but that doesn't give him a reason to act like a complete dickhead. The kiss was so passionate so I can't help thinking he has/had feelings for me.

I have this sudden urge to find him and ask questions. Surely he has some too and why shouldn't I question him about everything? This isn't fair on me. I stand up and head towards the mess tent to see if he is in there.

"I was going bring it to ya Mols."

"Nah it's alright, 'ave come grab me cuppa just need find the boss." I take my cup from Smurf and head back out in search of the boss.

Before checking his office, I check the briefing tent and there are no signs. I head over to his office when I hear 2 section in the med tent laughing and I can't help but smile. I love knowing they're all enjoying themselves.

"Dawes.. a word." The boss was walking from the mess tent and into his office/sleeping quarters.

Hold on a minute. I am the one who was looking for him, surely I should have the first word in this conversation. I pause before entering his office. Stay calm, he is your Captain after all.

I head in to see he is sat at his desk with his feet up. Good to see him nice and calm.

"Sir.." I stand straight and then relax. I never thought I would be having this conversation but I definitely didn't think it would be like this.

"Smurf says you were searching for me, everything ok?" Everything ok? Is he being serious? Was he bleeding drunk. All of a sudden I feel sick. He really isn't fazed about what has gone on between us that is how little he thinks of me.

"Sir.. I ermm" What am I even meant to say to him. This is so difficult I just don't know what to say. I'm looking down at the floor when I hear him walk towards me and he places both his hands on my shoulder. I want to lean into him so much. I feel as though I need to, but then I think about the past week and realise how much he has affected me. I step backwards. I feel used. I feel like shit.

"Ah don't want this to be anymore awkward than wha it is boss." I look up and he has a confused expression. His frown lines have made an appearance. Before I know it I begin to cry trying my best to stop.

"Molly, please don't. I'm sorry." He closes the gap between us and I just want to be in his arms but I fight the urge.

"Ah want things back to ow they were. I wanna forget what as happened n move on." I mean it, I don't want this stupid silly fling to ruin my tour. He steps back and turns away.

"Of course." And that is it. I wait for him to say something else but there is nothing and I leave.

21 January 2014

I feel so good at the moment. The temperature has started to rise and I have packed away my long johns. I still use my hot water bottle at night but that is more out of comfort. The morale in 2 section is really good at the moment, we are all getting a long so good.

We don't see much of the boss anymore. He usually takes charge on 1 and 3 sections patrols, which is probably better for the two of us. Any feelings which I did have for the boss have been put in a box and hidden under the stairs. I am here to save lives, I am not here to fall for an absolutely gorgeous boss.

After returning from this afternoons patrol, I have had a shower- which for once has been warm- and wrote a letter to mum.

I have thanked her for my Christmas presents and the letter and asked how everyone is. I even wrote how good Christmas and New Year was but I couldn't write the real reasons why.

Today Bashira and a few of her friends were playing around the village when we heard gun shots fired. We all hit the ground shouting at each other asking where the shots had come from, had anyone seen anything. But what we found out was that the Taliban had been into the school and had fired shots at the wall to frighten the children away. Complete tossers. Why would they even do that? The school doesn't affect them.

I just don't understand our objectives out here.


	10. Chapter 10

**This chapter is very long and I hope you bare with me. I am trying to put the scenes from the series into the story but it is hard with some of the ideas I have. Please write reviews, thank you :)**

Chapter 10

25 January 2014

Patrols have been very quiet over the past few days and we are worried something big is about to happen. Every time we are out of the compound we put our heads on, we are beginning to take everything very seriously.

I have also started to reflect on my time spent out here. There are two months left and I don't feel as if we have made any positive changes towards the locals or even in Afghan. Although I had a ropey start to the tour, I have realised that I have met a great bunch of men. I have started to see 2 section as my family and I love being around them.

With what happened with Captain James, I have realised that it will never happen again and the feelings I have for him can never be anything more. We avoid each other when we can and when on patrols, we only talk if we need too. He is my boss, this is how it should be. I'm not 100% sure how his blisters are, he hasn't visited the med centre in weeks and I'm not sure if I can chase captains for check-ups.

I'm just sat on my bed at the moment with my ear phones in listening to Ed Sheeran. I don't usually listen to music but today I just fancied it. The lads are out kicking a football around with 1 section. We head out to the village again this afternoon.

Captain James will be joining us on our patrol of the village. I think the lads have missed him being around. I know Smurf has, he looks up to the boss and I respect that because he is a great leader. I just hope my feelings for him disappear, wishful thinking again maybe?

The village is very busy today. We are told by the Captain to stay alert as insurgents could be lurking anywhere. Well, they don't have uniforms, they aren't the easiest to spot are they? Bleeding muppet.

I am with Qaseem setting up the temp med centre in an abandoned building. There isn't a door on the front but I suppose it will do for just a few hours.

"Do ya eva think Afghan will be peaceful?" I often think that this place will always be like this.

"One day. When all this ends, Afghanistan will be the most beautiful country." He sounds optimistic but why not have high hopes? Maybe one day it could?

Our conversation is disrupted by shouting outside. The boss has his back facing us and I head out. There is a woman upset holding onto a young girl who has a gash above her eye. It's Bashira.

Qaseem follows and translates.

"She is seeking medical attention here. The nearest hospital is 3 hours away."

"She needs to see her own doctor at her own hospital." He turns and faces me he looks angry. This is the first time we have made eye contact in weeks and is pissed at me and for what reason?

Qaseem translates what I think James has said back to her mother. But the woman's response is angry and directed at me.

"She's sayin it's my fault isn't she?"

"She is, but it isn't your fault. A father hitting her daughter is wrong in this country as it is in yours."

The boss looks at me, he's annoyed.

"She has to go to her own hospital for treatment those are the rules." He is right but 3 hours away, it will take me ten minutes to clean and butterfly stitch the wound, what harm would it do?

"Yes sir, understood sir. But can I at least examine her eye to assess the damage?" Why is he such a grumpy twat? I should say it but I do. "Sir.. we have a responsibility."

I have managed to win him over, somehow. He says I should clean up the eye and he never wants to see her again, little harsh if you ask me. Why is he such a dick?

I lead her into the med centre and sit her down on the bed. I use anti bac wipes to clear away the dust and dried blood and then look at how deep the gash is. How can a father hit his daughter seriously? I bet my dad has come close to hitting me but he never did, and Bashira doesn't seem the type to misbehave.

"Your might gonna need a stitch, do ya understand?"

"Of course she doesn't understand. I barely understood." I was busy setting up the butterfly stitches and didn't realise he had made an appearance. This is the closest we have been to each other since that evening in his office.

"I thought your English was better than ers sir."

"Mine is.. Yours. 'Might gonna need a stitch!' What is that supposed to mean?" I repeat myself. He goes on to tell me to hurry up and get the girl on her way. He is really starting to do my nut in.

"No one will hurt ya. We're ere to protect the village and mountains." Well from the Taliban, I can't do so much about her dad can I?

"Don't go to the mountains tomorrow." What? Is she warning me? She specifically says don't go to the mountains tomorrow. Before I can ask her anymore questions, Sohail comes and grabs her saying she must go. He is the geezer who keeps giving me dirty looks around the compound but I just choose to ignore him. What was that about seriously?

I have thought about what Bashira has said and I have no idea what to do about it. If I go and tell the boss, he probably won't believe me so what's the point? But if I do tell him, at least I have given him information which could save lives. Hmm it's difficult.

Back in the compound I'm stood staring at the wall of the med tent. I really should tell the boss. It I don't, lives could be lost this could be important. I hear a noise of footsteps behind me, I hope this is the boss.

"Alright Mols." Nope it's Smurf, great. Shall I tell him about it? Ask him what he would do?

"Nah not really.." He looks concerned, I don't what him to be worried. "When ah was with Bashira, she told me not to go to the mountain tomorra. I don't know wha to do Smurf."

"Have you told James?" Nope. And I know I should have already.

"You need to tell him Mols. There are lives on the line here." He is right. I ask him to come with me. He will take me more seriously with Smurf about.

We search in the mess tent, his office and the ops tent no signs of him. I check the so called gym. He is there lifting make shift weights with no top on. Bleeding hell, his body is just, wow! He is very well toned, I can see his biceps and he has a six pack. I really should pick my jaw up off the floor. What have I come to tell him again?

Smurf is by my side. It is a good job or I would have jumped on him, I'm not even joking!

"Boss can we have a word?" He puts the weights down and stands with his hands on his hips. I feel my knees weaken. How can someone be so beautiful? I don't respond, I don't think I can talk!

I need to tell him about a possible attack on the CP.

"Excuse me sir. Err… I think I have received Intel about an attack on the mountain CP tomorrow."

He turns and picks his t-shirt and puts it on. Thank god for that. It was probably best he did!

"Ops tent now. Both of you." Shit this is serious. I really should have said something sooner. Why did I even have to think about it?

We follow the boss and see Major Beck talking to Captain Azizi.

"Sir." Becks face goes from being relaxed to very serious. James indicates for Beck and captain Azizi to follow him into the ops tent.

I tell Major Beck what I have told him and they both seem unsure.

"What makes you think it's credible?" He can't even look at me in the eyes. He really hates me doesn't he?

"Ave got a good relationship with the kid. There's a possibility she's tellin the truth n am pretty sure her dad's Taliban sir."

He goes onto say I have made myself vulnerable. I have just received Intel on a possible attack and he still fucking moans, could I ever please this man?

"Maybe sir but I was just been kind.. She just told me, ah don't think she meant to. Ah could see it in her eyes tha she was tellin the truth." I want him to believe me. He needs to believe me. I look straight at him and he avoids eye contact looking down at the table. He's such a prick.

"The kid really trusts her sir.." I owe Smurf for that. Even if the boss doesn't believe me, I know Smurf does.

"You've obviously gotten close enough so she can confide in you. And if that confidence leads to us being able to halt this group of insurgents that is great.." Beck believes me!

"Then it could work out brilliantly.. agreed." I am staring at him, wanting him to make eye contact and he does. Why the hell didn't he trust me? I look away, I can't even look at him.

We are told to wait outside. They are obviously discussing plans of action for tomorrow. Well at least I have done my bit, it is up to them what happens from here.

It's 18.25 and I head to the mess tent for dinner. I can't help but think that with the information I have just given the boss, I could be putting Bashira in danger. What if she is right? Her dad maybe Taliban, things could end badly for her.

Fish and chips are on the menu for tonight. I have had one chip, I just don't feel like eating. My thoughts are all over the place with Bashira, the boss and lives could be lost tomorrow. I offer my food to Dangles and he takes it straights away.

"Not hungry Dawes?" Kinders is sat at the end of the table next to Mansfield.

"Nah Corporal. Just gonna ave an early night ah think."

"Mission briefing 1930 Dawes. Don't go asleep too early aye!" He smiles. I know what this is about. We are heading up to the mountains in the morning. They actually believe what I have said, I just hope Bashira was right, or I would be looking like a right twat.

So it looks like we are heading out to the mountains at 0300 hours. I had better get some kip in!

26 January 2014

I haven't slept a wink. I have lay in bed with my eyes wide open. First of all I was worried about Bashira but I will mention something to the boss later. Surely we can keep girls like her safe. And secondly, I couldn't get the images of the boss without a top on out of my nut. I have never seen anyone like it! How can he be single looking like that?

I'm up before all of the lads. I have made myself a brew in the mess tent and then come back to get ready. The lads are up and awake but only just. Fingers looks like he is sleep walking.

I prepare all of my kit, double checking my med Burgan. This could end badly, I need to be prepared for the worst.

After the hour walk we have finally arrived at the CP. The sun is starting to rise and it isn't as cold as what it has been, is spring finally on its way? I'm not really sure how the seasons work here in Afghan.

As soon as we arrive we set up and the overnight watch report that there was movement in the bunker late last night.

"Dangles Brains, eyes on that bunker." The boss gives the lads jobs to do as I set up a med centre.

There are still no signs of any insurgents and I am beginning to worry about the Intel Bashira has given us. Maybe she meant something else by not going to the mountains?

I do the rounds of handing water out to the lads, I suppose I had better ask the boss.

"No you're alright Dawes. I hope your Intel is right on this one."

"Sir, if she is right am worried about the girl."

"We'll worry about that later." He hasn't bothered to look at me. Why would he?

I'm stood talking to Smurf about how nice this place really is. Well compared to London.

"If it weren't so bloody war n tha, I'd live in a place like this."

"You'd need wifi though." The boss has come and stood next to me.

"And Sky TV." They're right, but we have coped so many months without it, why would we need it now?

"And a Top Shop and Star Bucks around the corner." The boss laughs. It is so nice to hear him laugh and to see that smile. I can't help but smile back. He is perfect.

We hear Kinders through the radio.

"Sir, there's movement in that compound."

We all duck and take cover behind the sand bags. I look through the binoculars. He's right. We are told to stay low and out of sight.

"Sir theres someone eadin into tha store." There are two insurgents heading from the compound into a small shed.

Dangleberries is told to radio in that we have eyes on two possible insurgents. We are all out of sight and covered by the sand bags but I don't understand what is happening. One comes out with an RPG.

"Down… RPG!" A rocket is fired and there is a huge bang behind us. There is dust and sand everywhere. I and all of the lads have been knocked to the ground and that's when the place turns into a war zone. I check make sure everyone is fine whilst there are bullets being fired here there and everywhere. It is hectic. I turn around to see the med centre which I had set up, it is demolished. There are bullets being fired from both sides and we don't seem to be getting anywhere.

Suddenly the boss orders us all to stop firing. What's this all about? Even the insurgents have stopped too.

"What's 'appening sir?"

"Just keep looking." There is a loud noise and it seems to becoming closer but there is nothing in sight. Next thing I know, the compound and the shed have been blown up by what looked like fighter jets. There is black smoke surrounding what was the compound and there are no signs of movement.

The ANA are sent down to see if there are any survivors. We go on to join them and find an enemy casualty who has a massive wound on his leg. He will be alright though, he has been sent to camp Bastian where he will be treated and then more than likely be questioned by the yanks.

After searching for insurgents we had found 5 bodies, neither of them were Bashira'a father. I'm bleeding gutted but at least we have removed 6 insurgents from the mountains. I zip up all of the body bags and turn to the boss.

"Ah can't believe Bashira's dad wasn't one of them. I'm sure he was Taliban."

"You're work has been above and beyond Dawes."

"Wha the Intel or saving that bloke?" I'm confused.

"Both. It takes a fair amount to impress me." I've impressed him have I? Bleeding hell that's a first intit.

We have just gotten back on the FOB and we're all shattered. I know I am. With little sleep last night, tonight I will sleep like a baby.

After dinner, we are sat in the evening sunshine with the whole of 2 section, Kinders and the boss. Banter between these lot is pretty funny. They have started to take the piss out of Nude-Nut. Something to do with dirty Doreen on basic. I feel my eyes closing and I decide it is time to hit my pit. I say good night and leave them all sat I the circle.

"Dawes, just a quick word. My office." Shit, what have I done wrong know? I rethink the whole day trying to remember doing something wrong but there is nothing.

Once inside his office he sits on his hair and directs me to sit on his bed. He pushes himself on his chair so he is close to me and that's when I realise I'm falling for the boss, big time.


	11. Chapter 11

**I can't thank you enough for your nice reviews. I'm trying to move things forward a bit more now so hopefully it eill get a bit more interesting. I hope you enjoy :)**

Chapter 11

26 January 2014

All's I wanna do is kiss him. We haven't been alone like this for a while and the tension between us is something I have never felt before. He's sat on the chair crouching down towards me.

"Molly, I need to give you some information about what is going to happen tomorrow." Tomorrow? What is meant to happening tomorrow?

"We have found out that Bashira's father, Badrai owes certain taxes to the Taliban. Therefore we will be going in to take Bashira into a safe house in Kabul." He stops. I need to take this in. The girl is being ripped away from her family all because of me. I can't think which is worse, being abused by her dad, or being ripped away from her mum.

"Sir."

"..As you're the only one who as eye balled Badrai, you are important in this mission, understood?" I look down at my hands which are on my lap. I can't help thinking she would have been better if I hadn't gotten involved with her. I can't imagine living without my mom.

"Sir." I don't know what else to say or even do. But before we do something we both regret I stand up and he pushes away in his chair to increase the gap between us.

"A'd better go boss, ya kno." He knows what I mean. I don't need all this shit with him distracting me. Tomorrow is an important mission. We need to take Bashira out of the village and I need to identify Badrai.

His frown lines appear. I just want to kiss them, make them go away, but I can't. He is my BOSS. I turn to walk out and before I reach the door.

"Molly.." He stops and stands up but he doesn't look at me, instead he looks down to his feet. "… Good night." Why does he keep calling me Molly? I am Dawes to him.

"Night boss." That's it. This stops now. I will only speak to him if and when I need too. We didn't need to be alone tonight, the rest of the section will be briefed tomorrow, so why did he do it then, on our own?

I head straight for the sleeping quarters. I don't feel like talking to anyone else, I just want to go to sleep.

27 January 2014

We had a mission briefing this morning and the boss wouldn't stop looking at me whilst Kinders gave out information. How am I meant to get on with my job with him gorping at me?

Anyway, we have just found out that it is our sections turn for the entertainment tonight. The boss has put me forward for me to sing with him, I can't even bleeding sing. I'll have the piss taken out of me and I don't even know what we are signing.

We arrive at the village and the locals are out looking interested in what we are doing. We go into to raid the compound and realise Bashira isn't in there. Where the hell have they taken her? I ask the boss what is going on and where is she and he has no idea. Of course he hasn't he's been here as long as I have.

"Sir I have eyes on the girl." Dangles comes through the radio. I look at James.

"Go." We run out towards the truck and Dangles is with Brains backing off.

"Where is she?" I'm shouting in panic, I don't see her anywhere, there are just locals.

Then suddenly the locals run away from her. She is walking towards us but her arms are not by her sides, they are under her head scarf and it looks like she is wearing something.

"Bashira, stop. Stop where you are!" James is screaming at the girl, she stops about 30 metres.

"Lift your arms up!" Bashira doesn't understand what James is saying and Qaseem translate. When she lifts her arms up I go into complete shock. Instead of taking cover, I take off my Bergen and my helmet keeping my headset on.

"Dawes!"

"Molly"

"Dawes get back here now!"

"Sir you're frightening her. Ah just wanna keep her calm."

There are words exchanged through the radio but I don't listen. The only thing I care about is this girl and she is terrified.

"It's alright. No ones gonna hurt ya now. You just need to stay calm and very still for me ok? We're gonna get that vest off in no time."

I'm crying because I can't understand why you would do this to your daughter, what is wrong with these people?

"You're the bravest, bravest girl ever. Your dad can't beat you!"

I keep talking to her about how we will play sang chill bazi. I can hear the boss and Kinders talking and they have managed to block all mobile signals which could detonate the bomb.

Bomb disposal turn up with what feels like hours later and I back away whilst he does his job in removing the vest. Once the vest is on the floor, the ANA soldier lifts Bashira onto his shoulders and runs towards a jeep. She will be leaving straight away and I won't get chance to say goodbye.

"Get back Dawes!" I forget the bomb can still go off and make a run to apply my helmet. As soon as I am back with the section the bomb explodes and sends me to the ground. There is dust everywhere but I can see the jeep disappearing away from the village.

There is a strange atmosphere. The lads seem shocked with what has happened but I just feel upset. Will Bashira be safe wherever she is taken? I have just endangered the whole section, I couldn't have lived with myself if one had been hurt.

"Dawes I need you to look at my eye" It's the boss.

In the temp med centre which I have just managed to set up, I asses James' eye. He has sand in it so I will have to use eye wash to remove it.

He sits on a metal jerry can. I have my gloves on and the eye drops in my right hand. With my left hand, I push his head back so I can put the eye drops in. That's when I notice I am leaning into the boss. I have a quick glance down and I can see he has his fists clenched on his lap.

"Waste of an eye drop sir, but as it's you."

"Crack on or you'll be up on charge." I have to try another eye drop as he blinked with the first one. Doing this I get to look into his eyes. They're beautiful and I could stare at them all day.

I wipe away the access water and sit beside him.

"Where ave they taken her sir?"

"I don't know, I don't care."

"Bit harsh intit."

"Well, its just, I don't get emotionally involved." Right ok. Whereas I am the complete opposite.

"It could have all gone so wrong couldn't it? Ah mean Bashira could have been red misted.."

"And so would you, I would never have forgiven myself." He looks at me with his soft eyes. I just want to kiss him and for him to hold me.

"Lady luck was looking on us." He smiles. And there it is. The smile that can change a mood in an instant and a smile that can make my day.

Back in camp I skip dinner so I can get ready for tonight. I wash my hair and let it dry and I dig out my black vest top. I find the lip gloss mom sent me and look in the mirror. This will have to do to do.

I make my way to the mess tent and it looks like we are using the stage outside. It is still chilly but bearable. The lads are stood and sat near the stage whilst the boss and Dangles are on the stage. Looks like Dangles can play the key board. The boss looks at me and his eyes are wide and his mouth is open. Just what I wanted. I expected him to look but not this much. There are whistles coming from the lads in the crowd. Did I over step the mark? Maybe the vest top was too much?

The duet was amazing, after the first few lines, the lads started to join in so I didn't need to sing that much. I just couldn't keep my eyes of James. He's just beautiful.

I'm sat on the stage whilst all of the lads have gone in the mess tent or have gone for an early night. I look up and as the sky is clear, I can see all of the stars. It's not very often you can spot more than 2 stars I London with all the lights and that.

I notice someone has sat next to me and look to see Smurf with a brew in his hand.

"Nice isn't it? I mean, it's much better in Newport."

"Shut up Smurf." He puts his arm around my shoulder and I lean into him. I probably shouldn't do it, but I just want a hug. I put my head on his shoulder whilst we both look up to the sky. I just wish this was the boss and we were alone away from here.

That's when he appears from around the corner. Shit this could look wrong. I sit up immediately hoping he didn't see anything.

"A'd better hit my pit. Today as proper worn me out." Ignoring the boss standing watching from outside of his office I walk towards the sleeping quarters, I really don't understand what is going on between us but I look back to find him staring at me. I smile but he gives me a look which could kill. What have I done now? Was it what happened with Smurf?

I'm lay on top of my bed whilst Nude-Nut is beside me snoring his nut off. How am I meant to sleep with that racket? It's loud enough to wake the bleeding dead. I also can't stop thinking about Bashira. How do I know she is safe? For all I know, I could have made her life even worse.

I know I have no chance of dropping off and head to make a brew in the mess tent. The FOB is quiet and only by looking at my watch I see it is 0117. I should be fast asleep now, especially with the events of this morning.

Instead of heading back to the sleeping quarters, I head to the med tent. At least there I won't disturb any of the lads. There is a cold breeze about, for some daft reason I am in my West Ham shirt and my shorts. On my way, I walk past James' office to see light coming through the canvas.

I start to walk towards his office, I wonder what is keeping him up. Why am I doing this? What would I even say to him? I tap on the canvas door and I hear movement from inside.

"Come in."

I open the canvas door to see him standing next to his bed. It doesn't look like he has been in bed just laying on top as the duvet in crumpled. At least I haven't woken him.

"Everything ok Molly?" No it isn't. I just burst into tears in front of him. I didn't plan on even doing this. I didn't even feel like crying when I was outside. I don't know what has started me off.

I try to wipe the tears away from eyes but it's no use.

"Molly.." He walks closer to me and cups my face with his hands. I just look up to him and I can see in his eyes he is worried. With his thumb, he wipes the tears falling down my cheeks.

" 'ow do ah even know what ah did was right? I 'ave taken her away from her family boss." He removes his hands from my face and goes to his desk where there is a box of tissues. He hands me a few and then pulls my arm for me to sit next to him on the bed.

"You were right all along Molly. We needed to step in and save that little girl." His voice is soft and comforting. I never thought I could speak to a captain like this?

"But 'ave taken her away from her family." I have and he can't deny that.

"She is safe now. That is what you wanted wasn't it?"

"It don't matter wha I want, ah just dunno." I look at him to see he was already staring at me.

I have stopped crying and we just sit in silence. What did I actually come in here for?

"Molly, we need to talk.." He pauses and I am looking straight into his eyes. Is this the conversation I have been waiting for, for weeks? What is there for us to say though? We can't act on any feelings.

".. What is going on with Smurf?" Is he having a bleeding giraffe? Is he really asking that?

"He's ma mate. Wha do ya mean?"

"Well, outside earlier.." He pauses, he thinks I have a thing for Smurf. "you two were a bit close."

"You think tha we 'ave a thing? Your 'avin a laugh aren't ya." I can't believe he is asking this. I can't listen to this. He's my mate! I get up and start to leave.

"I'm sorry Molly.." I turn back around to see him still sat on the bed. "I just thought you two had something going on."

"Well ya were wrong." I sit back down next to him on the bed. What difference does it make to him?

"I'm glad I was wrong." He pauses and takes my hand into his. "I couldn't bare seeing you with anyone." Hmm, well this is confusing.

"Wha do ya mean?" I need to hear the words. I am fed up of assuming he has a thing for me.

"I mean.." He pauses to think about what he is saying. "I have developed feelings for you Molly." He stops again. I can't believe I am hearing this. He is rubbing is thumbs on the tops of my hand. I never want to leave this tent. I want to stay in here forever, with him.

"I thought I would be able to control myself around you. Well until we returned to Brize, but I can't Molly."

"Well ah dunno wha say Boss." What I want to say is 'I'm falling in love with you and all I want to do is snog your face off'

"Don't say anything.." Before I know it we are kissing. I run my hands through the curls in his hair and I can't stop. This is where I have wanted to be. Here with him, kissing.

I move to sit on his lap and our kiss continues. I feel his erection beneath me, we need to stop, or this could end badly. Well for our jobs. I pull away.

"We can't boss.." He begins to kiss my cheek and then down to my neck. If we were anywhere but here, things would have already happened. But we could both lose our jobs if this goes any further.

"Seriously.. We need to stop."

"Your right, I'm sorry." I am still sat on his lap. I cannot believe that I have just stopped what could have been an amazing night.

"Does this mean ya speakin to me then?"

"About that, I wanted to apologise. I wanted to keep you at arms lengths but, I can't control myself Molly. I have tried to stay away." His eyes are locked onto mine. He takes my hand and kisses it. Why is he so perfect?

"Well ah suppose tha explains why you were a complete ruppert."

We sit and talk about what will happen when we return home. We have to wait until we finish tour. We don't want personal feelings to get in the way of our work here. We need to control our emotions and get on with our jobs. At least try anyway.

"There's one more thing Molly." Oh shit what now? "I stupidly offered for you and Smurf to on RnR together, you go next week." He looks ashamed.

"The only reason I put you down to go home was because I needed time away from you, I needed to get my feelings under control." What do I say to that? Going home will probably do us both good. I am looking forward to seeing my family and at least I would be able to get my nut around the boss fancying me!


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you so much for your lovely reviews. I'm afraid this is a very long chapter but only little bits going on. I will be relating some things to the Captain James story but there will be some changes. I will be updating as soon as i can. Thank you**

Chapter 12

3 February 2014

So it looks like I will be going home tomorrow. I have mixed emotions about leaving the lads for two weeks. I feel like we should be all together, looking out for one another. They are my brothers and if anything happened to them whilst I was away I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

And then there is the boss. Over the past few nights I have been sneaking out of the sleeping quarters when the lads have nodded off and met the boss in his office. We just sit and talk about everything and anything drinking cups of tea. It's nice to go and relax with him after the day patrols. We haven't hugged or kissed since and I think it is best that it stays that way, for many reasons.

Kinders has organised a FOB Olympics tomorrow before we leave. Brains has organised who will be doing what events and it turns out I will be doing the last event. Apparently, because I am small, I will be more agile to go under and over obstacles. They obviously didn't see me on basic training did they? I'm bleeding shitting myself that I will let them all down. On the stage there is a table and on it is the cup for tomorrow's winners. The lads are always eying up the cup when we walk to the mess tent. It's only a bleeding plastic cup, with cardboard handles sticky tapped to the side and it has been sprayed gold. Is it really worth it? What a shit prize!

4 February 2014

Well we are level with 1 section and the final event will decide who wins the Olympics. It has been so funny to watch the lads make absolute tools of themselves. I haven't laughed this much for a while.

So looking at the final event I have to climb over a wall of sand bags, spin around the broom stick 5 times, spin a hula-hoop around my body for 10 seconds and it is not allowed to touch the ground and the final one is to crawl under a net. Easy! Not!

After climbing over the sand bags I am level with both 1 and 3 section, I need to make time up somehow. Once I'm on the hoop I look beside me to see the other two struggling to spin the hoop around their bodies.

"Come on Dawes, you're going on a 2 week holiday, have some human decency and put some bloody effort in."

"This is war intit?"

"Deadly competition, now dig in." I am ahead of the other two and then I see we have an egg and spoon race which I didn't notice before. I have to balance the egg and walk through a set of tyres.

I am at the end and have to crawl under the net to the finish line. I am on my hands and knees covered in sand and dust and just when I see the finish line- which by the way, is full of 2 section lined along the red tape- I have my foot trapped in the net. I try to free it myself but which bloody idiot do I get to come and help me? Bleeding Smurf.

"2 weeks R&R with me Mols, reckon we're going have a belter."

I don't reply as he frees my foot and I stand to run to the finish line where I am picked up by 2 section. I am on the shoulders of fingers holding this stupid cup but I have enjoyed myself so much. I look over at the boss who has his hands behind his head with a huge smile on his face. Why can't I go up and snog his face off?

The lads are well happy with winning the so called 'Olympics' and to be honest I am happy with the fact that we have had such a good morning. I'm sat thinking about the morning events eating a bowl of coco pops when Sohail walks past giving me an evil look and then talking to his mate. What have I actually done to him? Maybe it is because I am the only woman here. It is like the ANA soldiers are not comfortable being around females.

I decide to ignore him and tuck into my breakfast. Then an arm comes over my shoulder and dips a spoon in my coco pops.

"Oi!" Oh shit, it's the boss.

"Sorry boss ah thought you were Sohail."

"You wouldn't share your breakfast with Sohail?" He must be having a laugh, he knows me and him don't see eye to eye.

"No way. I'm not letting him dip his spoon in my coco pops."

"I take it that's not meant to be a euphemism Dawes?" Am I supposed to know what that means? We don't speak but he helps himself to another spoonful.

"As its you boss, I'll let you in on a little secret.."

"Go on then!"

"Well, ah 'ave a supply of coco pops 'idden. But don't tell those muppets, they'll never leave me alone." I smile at him. I don't wanna go home and leave him here.

"Would you like me to keep them safe for you until you return?" He smiles and nudges me with his elbow.

"Nah, you're alright boss. Ah think they are safe where they are thanks." He laughs at my response and then faces me.

"I'll speak to you in the med tent before you go, you'd better get packed up."

Before packing up I have a cold shower to wash away the sand from earlier. I dress into my PT shorts and vest top whilst trying to pack my Bergan and towel dry my hair. It doesn't take long to pack when I notice James behind me. How long has he been here for?

"Enjoying the view boss." I don't realise but I am flirting. Since we spoke about our feelings, we have decided to stay as 'friends' until we return home. He still treats me like one of the lads when we're with the section which I don't mind, he's just doing his job.

"Shut up Dawes." He smile at me and then takes a seat on the med bed. I carry on sorting my kit out and then sit on the bed I used to sleep on.

"How long do you think you will stay in for Dawes?"

"The army sir?" He nods in answer to my question.

"Ah dunno. It's hard to plan ahead when ah think back to Bashira n tha."

I pause and think about my time on tour. It has been amazing, meeting the under 5's and the boss, but the fact that we have made no difference to Afghanistan as a whole is very disappointing.

"Ah just wish ah could sort it all out, Bashira n 'er family."

"Well, you're no super hero Dawes. Just do the job your bloody good at and we'll be home by Christmas." He smiles and then winks at me. I'd love to spend Christmas with him!

"Now, erm, I have a request for your Dawes." I look up to him as he walking over towards me.

"Boss…"

"Well I have my nespresso machine sent out from England at great expense…"

"To the bleeding tax payer!"

"Maybe, but completely justifiable because I am not a fully functioning solider until I have had my first shot of coffee in the morning." He is knelt in front of with a sharpe in his hand.

"Just a tea bag does me boss."

"Now Dawes, London, Regent Street. Go and buy me some Rosabaya and I will adore you for always." As he is speaking he is writing the name of the coffee on the inside of my arm. Well at least I won't forget the name of it. Good Idea!

"For always boss?" My fingers are entwined with his and he uses his other to stroke the top of my hand. I am looking at him and his face is so relaxed and gentle, there is no Mr stern face in sight.

"Come back to me." What does he mean, just come back to the FOB, to the lads? Or just to him, for him? I don't know how I will be able to cope two weeks without seeing him. I will come back but not only for him but the lads too.

"I will don't worry."

With my hands in his, I lean forward and he meets my lips. Before our lips touch we are disrupted.

"Oi, bossman." He suddenly stands to his feet and turns towards the door waiting for someone to walk through and then looks at me.

"Kinders will be the death of me Molly." I stand up and walk towards him. "Please behave yourself, I want you back in one piece." He holds my face in his hands. "And stay away from Smurf, you know what a creep he is."

"Yes boss." I stand on my tip toes and plant a kiss on his cheek. "Look afta ya feet wont ya?"

He walks towards the door and turns.

"And don't forget to bring a dictionary, for me to translate your cockney slang into English." He winks and walks out. I am not going to see this man for two whole weeks, how the bleeding hell am I going to cope? And more importantly, how am I meant to cope on a plane with Smurf?

I finish packing my kit away when I hear the helicopter overhead, I really need to hurry up and get ready.

Outside, the lads have given both me and Smurf a list of shopping.

"A tub of Marmite, big bastard. 500g minimum!" He emphasises on the 'minimum. They all followus shouting out their orders although they have already given me a written list.

Everyone watches us out of the gates and onto the helicopter which has landed outside of the FOB.

I stop just before going out the gate and turn to see the lads and the boss looking at me. The boss closes the gap.

"Ah can't go." I'm looking straight into his eyes and can see the frown lines appearing.

"Ya might gonna need a medic."

"We might gonna already got one."

"But she aint me.." and leave you here, leave you all here. I just want to tell him how much I love him.

"Dawes… You have to go, I need that bloody coffee." If I leave him here something might haven and I won't be here to save him.

I turn and run towards the helicopter before I start to cry. I climb in and sit next to Smurf looking back into the FOB. I can see him facing me but I can't make out if he is looking at/for me.

…

Back at Bastian we waited only 30 minutes and then we were on the plane back to Brize Norton. Smurf is sat next to me listening to his ipod. I have nothing to do for the duration of the flight and the plane isn't the most comfortable. I pull out the list of things the lads want and can't help but smile.

Fingers – Marmite 500g minimum! Nice one me love

Nude-Nut: Protein shake (Chocolate flavour)+ Gillet razor (with refills)

Brains – Eye drops x2 J

Dangles – Boxers (s) x2 packs. Cheers Mols ;)

Mansfield – Lynx shower gel + chocolate digestives.

Kinders – ear plugs. (I'm fed up of hearing them fuck muppets snoring).

I then remember the boss' which is written on my arm. I wonder where he got the writing on the arm idea, obviously pen to paper wasn't the boss' kind of bag. But I like it, no love it.

In previous relationships-if I can call them that- I could never see a future, whereas with the boss, I can't wait for us to return home from tour and give things ago. I dread to think what his reaction will be when he meets the animals I live with. I imagine his house is well posh and clean compared to my house.

I am looking forward to seeing the little bleeders though. I should probably buy some sweets and chocolate from the train station when I get into London, they will be happier with the treats than seeing me. I wonder if dad is still off the drink, I haven't heard from mum since earlier last month and she doesn't know I am even coming home on leave. I just hope Nan is there too, I miss her and her shitty jokes.

"You alright?"

"Ah dunno."

"You what?"

"All these people dying."

"what you on about Mol?"

"We'll be home soon, can't wait to meet your family!" Is he having a laugh, he has no chance!

"Well, that's not gonna bleedin happen."

"Don't fight it Mol."

"Wha exactly am ah fightin Smurf?"

"Your feelings for me." He has a huge grin across his face. Does he actually think I have feelings for him, in that way?

"Just to clarify, if you were the last bloke on earth who ad a face and personality transplant, ah still rather go without cheers."

"You say this but you won't be able to resist." He tenses his are to show off his biceps. "Feed them swans baby!"

Oh god, I have more hours with this muppet. Does he really think I have feelings for him though? I don't think I have ever given the impression that I have feelings for him. He isn't my type, he isn't the boss!

…..

I had fallen asleep and have just woken up whilst landing. Out on the tarmac at Brize, it is throwing it down.

"Nice to see the good old British weather hasn't changed aye!" Smurf looks knackered and I'm not sure he had much sleep on the plane. I feel tiered but now I am here, I can't wait to see my family.

We walk into a room where there are soldiers families gathered waiting to meet. I know my family won't be here for the fact they don't even know I am coming home and, neither of them can drive anyway.

I have just met Smurf's mum and she is lovely, she gave him a massive hug in front of everyone which caught him of guard. I know Smurf misses his mum whilst we're away and even the lads can tell especially when he receives a letter. Candy is a tall thin brunette and the only resemblance between them is their hair colour. Smurf must have taken after his dad because he isn't very tall, well compared to the rest of 2 section.

"Mother, this is Mols. We can take her to the train station can't we?" I was surprised with how Smurf spoke to his mum, it was almost a demand. And I didn't bleeding want a lift, I could easily catch a taxi.

"'Ello Mrs Smurf." I smile and look at her. "Nah, its alright, I'll catch a taxi." I was being generally serious.

"Of course we will love." From only being with her for a few minutes I can see how kind hearted Candy is. For someone who has already lost a son in Afghan to another son who is currently fighting the same war, I would have thought she would have some kind of hard nut.

The car journey just makes me feel more tiered but I can't help the excitement of surprising the kids. Candy has offered to take me to Reading where I will catch a train into London. She says that I should at least get some 'shut eye' before getting onto the train.

Looking out of the window I look at the cars and the people travelling. It is so strange that most of these people have no idea what it is like to be in afghan, in the middle of a war. I used to be one of these, one who only thought about TGI Fridays. In a job which would have ended in me being sacked. Now I have a job which helps to save lives, even in a dangerous place, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Smurf is asleep in the passenger seat when I hear Candy upset, wiping tears away from her eyes.

"Everythin ok?"

"When his brother was shot, they knocked on my door.." She paused and then sniffled. ".. They said he was back at Bastian in a stable condition." I lean forward to listen, it is hard to hear with the sound of the road.

"The next day they returned to say he had died from his injuries."

"I'm sorry Candy. Smurf has told me a lot about him."

"When Smurf was injured they knocked on my door again." This was hard for her to talk about but the realisation of seeing her son safe next to her must be a great feeling.

"Said he was shot near a minefield.. He was safe at Bastian but they didn't come back." She looked at me the middle mirror and I could see the tears falling down her face. I put my hand on her shoulder.

"That's shit, am sorry."

She had started to calm and I can't help but think that she needed to chat to someone about it. I can't imagine what it would be like for her, living on her own with her only son nearly dying.

"Did I make a tit of myself at the airfield?"

"Nah, you made a prized tit out of him!" And we both laugh which seems to wake Smurf up.

We stop off to fill the car with petrol and I have feel uncomfortable being in the car with Smurf and his mum. The atmosphere is strange, with how Smurf spoke about his mother whilst on tour, I would have expected them to get a long, but he is very-in my eyes- shitty with her. Surely she doesn't deserve that!

"Am gonna get out ere Smurf." I open the door and Candy is filling the car with petrol at the pump. "Thanks for the lift Mrs Smurf. Am gonna walk to the station, its only down the road."

Eventually, both Smurf and Candy let me go and I give them both hugs goodbye. It was such a great idea saying I was going to walk to the station, but where was the station and where the bleeding hell am I?

I find google maps on my phone and it turns out I am just 5 miles from Reading station I should have had a lift in the car! I google taxi number in or around Reading and give Lucky 10 a call. Instead of asking to go to the station, I ask them to drop me off at home in London. I really haven't got the energy to haul my kit bags from a taxi to the train station and then into another. It's gonna cost £55 but I really aren't bothered about the money at the moment.

30 minutes into the journey, the taxi driver asks me about Afghan and I do answer his questions but I am so tiered I keep dropping off. The jet lag and of course the travelling is finally catching up on me but I know I'll be too excited to sleep when I arrive home. I can't wait to see the surprise on my mums face.

The taxi journey takes in total 1 hour 46 minutes as we got stuck in some traffic coming through London, there's a surprise! We pull up outside the house and I can't help but smile. It's dark out but I don't feel scared to walk through the streets, I've been fighting a bleeding war in Afghan, I can fight the twats walking around with knifes. I tip the taxi driver and he helps to take my bags out of the back.

"Cheers mate!"

"No thank you." He shakes my hand. "Thank you for fighting for this country, there are some of us who know it is worth fighting for." I open my hand and he has given me the £70 back. "If only everyone was like you love." He smiled and got back in the car before I could argue back. I was shocked that a stranger would give me a free lift, what a great man! I turn and watch the taxi drive up through the street and then pick my bags up.

I knock loudly on the door so everyone can hear me.

"Somebody gonna get the door or wha?"

"Dave get off ya fat arse 'n get it yaself!" I hear my mum shouting so I assume she is upstairs sorting the kids out for baths and he is sat on the sofa.

I see the shadow of my dad and hear a mumbling. I assume he is swearing under his breath. He undoes the lock and opens the door. Do you know when you wished you'd had a camera to take a picture of someone's expression? That was now!

"Oh Fuckin' 'ell its our Mols!" He walks up and wraps his arms around me and I drop my bags and hug him back. It's been years since I had a hug off my dad and he doesn't smell of alcohol. It's like he's a new man.

"Am dead proud of ya Mol, onestly." Before I reply, mum, nan and the rest of the sprogs are gathered around shouting my name and giving me hugs.

"Am sorry, ave got no sweets ah didn't go to the station!"

"Oh, Moly ya look shattered. Let the girl in then bleeding 'ell.2 It is so good to hear the cockney accent!

9 February 2014

I can't get my nut around being at home and being normal. I can't help thinking about the lads and the boss back at the FOB, I don't even know they are safe and I'm sat at home eating beans on toast watching Coronation Street whilst they're fighting a war. It just doesn't feel right.

This afternoon Mum and her mate Shazza are doing a bit of food and a few members of the family are coming around. I don't feel like partying, I just wanna get back on the plane to Bastian so I'm closer to them lot. Smurf has text every day asking how I am and what am I up too, but he also feels lost. What are we gonna be like when we return home from tour?

Shazza doesn't half look dodgey though. I didn't really know what to expect when I first saw her but she's well weird. I know she has been helping out with my mum and that-which is great, especially whilst I'm away- but I can't help but think she's sticking her hooter in a bit too much. She takes control of the kids and everything, dads had enough of her. He and Nan reckon she needs rolling in a carpet and lobbing off a bridge- I wouldn't go that far though.

Mum has it in her head that she can become a teaching assistant but that bloody wrong'en has put that idea in her head. It isn't that I think mum would make a great teacher, it's just, with the family and that she will struggle.

I've taken dad to the pub yesterday and I offered him a pint which he turned down straight away. He says that he wants to get himself back on track, looking for a job. I couldn't believe I was actually hearing it from him and I believe him. He seems to be calmer in the house and even takes James and his friends to play football down the park. I told him how proud I was, happy he was looking for a job and that I loved to spend time with him. I can't remember the last time we went out by ourselves.


	13. Chapter 13

**Again very sorry there has been a huge gap between this and the previous chapter, i just haven't had chance to finish it. I will upload another soon. Please read and review**

12 February 2014

Smurf rang me yesterday and he didn't sound right so I have decided to take a trip to Newport, I suppose I will get to see what the please really looks like. He called to ask what I was up too and if I am busy but I couldn't help noticing he wouldn't answer my questions. I'm sat on the train thinking about the boss and how things will turn out once we return from Afghan. Do I want to stay in the army? And if we wanted to be together we could never work in the same platoon so it would be difficult. I just hope it's not some kind of fling whilst we're on tour, like when you hear of them holiday romances, except tour isn't a holiday, far from it really.

When the train arrives in Newport I hop off and follow a young family in front. They look like they know where they are going so what harm can it do aye? I soon realise they are heading towards the toilets and it looks like the young boy is crossing his legs, that plan didn't turn out so well. I head back on to the platform and walk towards the centre of the station to see Smurf holding a bunch of flowers.

"Ditch them you noofter." He has a huge grin on his face and then looks down at the flowers in his arms.

"What you don't like them?"

"What is this? Some sort of tampax advert? Bin 'em" I can't help but laugh at his facial expression he looks disappointed, does he really think I am a flowers kind of girl, really? Well, not from him anyway.

"Where do ya want to go then Mols?" We are heading towards the exit of the train station. This place is a lot quieter than any of the London stations and people are actually walking not sprinting for the next train.

"Shall we 'ave a pint or wha?"

"Bloody piss head. How's home?" Why is he the one asking all of the questions?

"It's alright. Bu no one understands. It's ard. Wha about you?"

"Yea.. erm, I'm the same. My mother keeps lurking about, doing my head in to be honest. I'm that bored I might as well be in Afghan."

We both agree and it seems we both struggle with getting into the 'normal' lifestyle. Home just isn't the same anymore, yes I feel safe here and I don't need eyes at the back of my head, but 2 section are my family now and I need to know they're safe. I'm just worried I'll go back and they're all in hospital or even worse, on their way home.. I shake the thoughts out of my head.

Smurf has taken me to some pub which to me looks like a dump with a few old people and then a huge group of men/lads at the bar. It turns out, they are Smurfs mates and they wanted to celebrate him not dying in the minefield. Hmm, great celebration that!

"So how many people have you killed then?" I look up-as always when I speak to people- to see an extremely tall man, with afro hair looking down at my tits. It looks like all of the so called 'men' in Newport are muppets.

"Loads 'n a'll add you to this list if you carry on staring at my tits!" He turns away and joins in the conversation with the group. He or anyone here will never compare to the boss man, he is ten of these lot.

13 February 2014

So after the pub yesterday, Smurf took me to where his brother's ashes were scattered and to be honest it was a beautiful place. Apparently the boss had been there too and it was as if I had felt so close to him, the closest I have been to him since coming home from Afghan. It feels so strange to know the next time I will be in England, I may be giving things ago with the boss.

I have invited Smurf to stay in London tonight so we can both head back to Brize together tomorrow. His mum will be dropping us off later this afternoon and I thought I had better get some of the lads shopping out of the way. I had forgotten all about it until now so I'm going to be heading into the city centre, one thing I hate doing.

London is packed. I have not missed this place one bit everyone is running around swearing under their breath. I have picked up the all of the contents on the list including Dangles' boxers from Primark and I leave the boss' until last, his is the most important.

I cannot believe that there is one shop- a big one- which sells just coffee and coffee machines, surely that's a waste of a shop? The coffee capsules have been boxed and wrapped with a little red bow, I'm not too sure what his favourite colour is so I went for the red ribbon-everyone loves red. I walk past Debenhams and decide to treat myself to some new underwear. Well, that was what I thought, turns out nothing takes my fancy, but I find a mug saying 'Boss man's mug' and I couldn't resist the urge to buy it.

14 February 2014

The one day that all singletons dread, Valentine's Day, but I know the one person who I would love to spend it with is 7 hours away on the plane. I've never really been bothered about the hearts and flowers and spending time with the person you love – mostly because I have never loved anyone- but these feelings I have for the boss, they aren't a fling or a little fancy. Since I have been home and been away from him, I have actually begun to think I am in love with him. Yes, me. Molly Dawes. In love with a posh snob! Who would have thought.

Packing didn't take long, I added some Sensodyne toothpaste and a few packs of hobnobs to my Bergen and made my way downstairs.

"Look after each other you two. Don't get doin anythen I wouldn't do aye Smurf" My nan shot a wink towards Smurf. Does she really think me and Smurf have thing together? I mean really?

"Shut up Nan.."

Everyone is out on the balcony, even my dad giving both me and Smurf hugs. It has been so nice to come home and see everyone even seeing my dad. He is a completely different person now he is off the drink!

….

In the cab Smurf has fallen asleep, I know I have no chance of catching any zzzz's because I am so excited to be back in Aghan. I get to see the boss, today! Thinking back to the start of tour, he wouldn't even look at me, he just assumed I was a shit medic who would do a shit job and just take the piss, but no, I have proven him and the lads wrong and it feels great.

With only hitting a bit of traffic on the M40 we made it to Brize in just over 2 hours. Somehow Smurf slept the whole bleeding way, the jammy sod.

The journey on the plane felt longer than seven hours and with no proper seats, it wasn't the most comfortable ride. I ended up listening to my ipod all the way wishing I had downloaded a few films to keep me busy.

Stepping off the plane and onto the tarmac/sand at Bastian, the heat hit me straight away. Although it is February it is a lot warmer at Bastian than it is at the FOB, due to the mountains, it is still warmer than England. Both I and Smurf are sent into a small topless car which takes us over to an apache where we board and wait for the signals to take off. I didn't think we would be sent straight to the FOB, I thought we would have to go through with our passports or something, I don't bleeding know, but I don't care, the sooner we're there the better.

….

"Wahheyyyy they're back!" Looking up at the watch tower I see Fingers, Baz and Nude-nut. Looks like them three are fine, they sure sound it. After going through the gates we are greeted by the whole of two section who hug us both and then raid our Bergen's, it a good job I didn't pack any nice underwear! After greeting all the lads I turn around to see the boss stood with his arms crossed and a huge grin on his face. God, he is so bleeding gorgeous!

"Alright boss!"

"Dawes." His facial expression doesn't change and he doesn't seem to give much away either. From not seeing him for two weeks, all I want to do is wrap my arms around him and not stop kissing, not sure we would get away with that though, not in front of these nooftas.

From talking to Jackie-the replacement medic and also the girl who I met at Bastian- it turns out the only injury they have had is Mansfield, falling and twisting his ankle. Apparently he was trying to get all of the lads to wait on him hand and foot but none of them took any notice.

Whilst I am reading through the notes of any medical issues the boss pops his head through the door and my attention immediately turns to face James.

"It's nice ta be back, couldn't get me nut into a normal routine."

"Well, what do you call this then?"

"I see you haven't had your blisters checked!"

"Maybe you can give them a once over later then?" He has a smile across his face and then bites his bottom lip. He really shouldn't do that, not here!

"Oi, Mols! You went to bloody Newport and you weren't held hostage?" I hear from outside which I think came from Kinders and I can't help but laugh. They really think Newport is a shit hole and I bet none of them have ever been.

Kinders bursts into the medical tent. "C'mon then, how big of a shit hole is it?" As soon as Kinders enters, James leaves pulling a face and not saying a word. What the bleeding hell happened there? Was it the Smurf situation? It doesn't even mean anything bleeding happened and he thinks something has gone on.

It turns out Smurf has been giving the impression that we both stayed in the same room in both London and Newport. For starters, I never stayed in Newport and we were dropped off by his Mother in London! Lying twat!

I go searching for him, he needs to know nothing will ever happen between the two of us, not now not ever!

I find him just beside the make shift gym sorting out bottles of water.

"Wha ave you gone n said to them lot?"

"Nothin, you know what the piss taking bastards are like.."

"Why are they saying we slept together, in the same pissin room." He looks away and acts busy separating bottles into different containers.

"You bleedin told em didn't ya! When are you gonna get it into ya thick skull. I don't fancy ya, I don't love ya and I never will!" I am angry at this point, even shouting at Smurf. What a twat!

"Mols, ya never know me and you, when we're home we make a good couple!" Is he brain dead or something? How will I ever get through to him?

"Piss off Smurf!" I walk away before I end up knocking his block off! He is defiantly deluded, how can he make up that pile of shit and even believe it?

Instead of going to look for the boss, I think about how he should trust me. He spoke to me before I left, saying to stay away from Smurf and I did, I only went to shitty Newport because I was worried about him and it turns out he has made up all of this shit. I don't know whether it is to look good in front of the lads, or he actually wished it had happened. I just don't understand. I head towards the mess tent to find Brains, Fingers and Baz eating their dinner. I know they are going to give me an ear full of Smurfs lies, but it is best to face it now.

"Everything alright Mol?" Fingers moves along the bench to make some room between him and Brains.

"Yea Mols, we heard you n Smurf.." Oh god here we go, this is where I have to try and put it all straight. To be honest I might just leave it, what harm will it do the boss already hates me.

".. We're fed up of hearing his lies. I mean we knew really you wouldn't even sleep with him, hes not your type." Bleeding hell, I wasn't expecting that, before I ask how they knew he was lying Fingers interrupted.

"We heard you giving him a right grillin, the whole flippin FOB heard ya!" He nudges me and smiles and I can't help but feel at ease with them. They know what the piss taking bastard is like and what do they mean, my type, I haven't got a bleeding type.

"Anyway Molly, how shit is Newport, I bet it's a right dump intit?" Baz pipes up changing the subject, well kind of.

I tell them how Newport is shit but there are a few nice places. The mess tent soon becomes busy and the rest of two section join in with the talking apart from Smurf who has isolated himself at the end of the table talking to no body and pushing his food around the plate. I would feel sorry for him but why should I really?

I'm lay on my bed thinking how the hell has today panned out. First of all I was so excited to be back here with the lads and the boss, and now, the boss isn't even talking to me and I haven't even done anything wrong. All the lads have fallen asleep and I get up and go for a wonder around the FOB. There is no chance of me being able to sleep so what use am I lying in bed?

There is no one around and the FOB is so peaceful especially compared to the daytime. I head towards the med tent to see James walking out when he spots me heading that way. I haven't seen or heard from him all day, what does he want? To be honest I don't even want to talk to him, if he doesn't trust me, it will never work when we return home. He walks in my direction but I act as if he is a stranger on the tube and ignore him until he grabs my arm.

"We need to talk.. my office now.." His voice is low and husky.

"Nah your alright!" I try to walk off but his grip on my upper arms stops me from going anywhere.

"Molly…. Please." I don't get chance to argue back because he is literally dragging me in the direction of his office. I hope no one is around to see what is going on here!

Once inside he directs me to sit down on the bed but I stay put near the door with my arms crossed.

"Wha do ya want? I ave nothing to say to ya." I am trying to act stubborn but now we're alone I just want to be in his arms.

"I wanted to talk about earlier. I should have trusted you.." As soon as those words had left his mouth I could help but interrupt.

"Yea, you should ave"

"..And I'm sorry." He obviously ignored my input. "I should know Smurf is full of shit, but as soon as I heard you had gone to Newport it hurt. It hurt thinking he got to spend 7 hours on a plane there and back with you and then to hear you had spent time in both London and Newport made me feel worse. I was just jealous." To be fair, that was a fair explanation.

"Is tha it? I ave been looking forward to comin back n seein ya n ya just pushed me away, ah can't deal with tha!" I go to walk out but again he grabs me and pulls me towards him.

"Get off.."


	14. Chapter 14

**So in this chapter i wanted to bring in something from the Our Girl in 2013. I hope you enjoy this chapter as i have some good ideas which hopefully i will be able to upload soon. Both negative and positive reviews are welcome**

Chapter 14

" _Get off.."_

Before I could make an exit, I feel hands wrapped around my waist and then I am being pulled backwards. I struggle to get away but he turns me around to face him, he is starring down at me with his big brown eyes. He bites his bottom lip and leans down to kiss me, I stop trying to fight and kiss him back. This is what I wanted to return too! My fingers are entwined in his thick curls and he picks me up from behind my knees so my legs are wrapped around his waist and he carries me over to his bed whilst my tongue is exploring his mouth. As he sits on the bed I am on top of him with my knees on the bed and I pull away to stop the kiss.

"Am still pissed at ya yano!" With my hands still in his hair he stares at me and I can't read his expression. "I can't believe ya thought I would go wiv Smurf, ova you!" He smiles and then begins to kiss my cheek and then starts to work his way down towards my neck.

"I'm sorry Molly." He stops the trail of kisses and looks at me again. He lifts his hands and strokes my cheek with his thumb whilst he cups my face with his hand. "I know I shouldn't have stormed off and the thought of you with him just made me.." He paused and looked towards the door.

"I wasn't gonna go anywhere near im. Ah only went to Newport to check he was ok."

"I know and I'm sorry.." We sit and talk for what seems hours but there is no other place I would rather be than here with him, in his arms.

I talk about my time at home and how much time I had spent with my family explaining how different my dad is. We then go on to talk about meeting each other's family.

"Your 'avin a bleeding laugh if you think your meeting my lot! I also ave a little present for ya, buh I can't go n get it without waking the lads up.. Actually, a'd better go n get some shut eye."

17 February 2014

It turns out we are moving back to Bastian tomorrow morning so today we are busy today packing all of the kit away. My duty is to pack up the medical equipment, which to be honest, there isn't much to do.

The night before the last I gave James his coffee capsules and his mug. He had a huge grin on his face after unwrapping his mug and gave me a massive snog. He said that he didn't think I would get the coffee and was surprised that I had thought about him whilst I was away. I didn't tell him he was on my mind 95% of the time.

The FOB is slowly being dismantled ready for the ANA to take over but by the looks of thing, there won't be much left for them. Since my return I haven't seen Sohail though, maybe we just haven't crossed paths, thankfully.

I haven't really spoken to Smurf since our row when we returned to the FOB. I don't have much to say to him anyway but it seems the lads keep their distance too, which I am starting to feel guilty about, hopefully, he will learn from this and stop chatting a load of shit.

As tonight is our last night in the FOB, we are all sat out in the evening sun talking about everything and anything and of course taking the piss out of someone. Kinders has come up with a new game called Thirteens. Apparently it's a drinking game but as we have no alcohol –unfortunately- we have to do a forfeit which the group then decides on.

"Right then.." He tries to explain the rules but Nick from 3 section seems to be talking to Dangles.

"Lads, finshed?" He then continues. "Each person is allowed to use 3 or less numbers. Obviously, if you thick twats hadn't already guessed we count to thirteen and the person who lands with that number has to do the forfeit. Ok?" So the lads mutter between themselves clarifying the rules.

"1."

"234"

"56"

"13" The first forfeit goes to Mansfield.

"Right then Prince 'Arry, ya 'ave to strip off n run round the FOB, twice!" I got one in before the lads had chosen one.

"Easy Dawesy, buh, if you wanted ta see me naked ya could have just asked!" He winked and started to strip off.

"Ohhh wait there Mansfield, you also have to sing 'Like a virgin' whilst running."

"Ironic that!" Brains has an input and has us all in stitches, but Mansfield doesn't seem too impressed.

It just got better and better, the whole group were just laughing as you could see him dodging in and out of the tents singing, well trying to sing. It turns out he doesn't know many of the words to the song.

The game goes on for at least half an hour and it keeps us all entertained until some start to disappear for dinner. It has been so good to spend time with all three sections although, I haven't seen the boss all day, and he is probably busy packing up.

Tonight I had a catch up with Qaseem and I have found out that his wife and daughter were killed in an explosion. It turns out this is why he has joined in with the army –as a translator- to help protect his country and try to bring the war to a rest. I just feel really sorry for him, one thing to lose your wife, but your daughter too and he is such a lovely bloke. He asked about my life before the army and even he was shocked with how I used to paint nails, have bleach blonde hair, used to smoke and was a regular of the TGI Friday which often meant going out and getting pissed.

18 February 2014

I felt a little sad leaving the FOB, this has been our home for months and now we leave to go back to Bastian which will be a lot more busier and I won't get chance to spend time with the boss alone. We travel to Bastian in the trucks as we are transporting equipment back with us.

In the truck the lads are singing wheels on the bus, how bleeding old are these lot seriously? The boss is sat opposite me and I keep looking up to find him staring at me and then look away. He knows I am worried about spending little time together, but like he said, we're closer to returning home and once we're back at Brize, we can stop pretending nothing is going on.

Then there is the problem of breaking the news to Smurf, I dread to think how he is going to take it. Although, it doesn't have much to do with him anyway and we won't be seeing much of him when we return home.

Back at Bastian we help to unload the kit from the trucks and we are then sent to the sleeping quarters to unpack. It turns out there isn't any spare beds in the female quarters so I am in with the lads, which doesn't faze me at all seen as I have spent the last few months with them.

Bastian is a lot more hectic than the relaxed FOB, yes the facilities are a lot better and lot cleaner but the FOB was ours, even if we did share it with the ANA. The boss' office is god knows where, we haven't even spoken since our return and I know I need to get used to it being like this.

After unpacking we head to get some lunch and we all opt for pizza hut, which isn't like any of the restaurants in London, it is a container painted red, with pizzas and a huge sign saying Pizza hut, nothing special really, I just hope the pizzas taste alright.

Whilst the lads are having a kick about with some of the Yanks, I go in search of the boss and his office. For the first time today I see him and he is talking to Qaseem near the shitters. He looks up, notices' me and smiles straight away, god I have missed seeing him and it's only been a day.

"Boss, Qaseem." I smile at them both. "Boss can ah 'ave a word?"

Qaseem says his goodbyes and wonders off in the direction of the gym, I never really had him down as someone who works out, not that he needs too.

"Thank bloody God I have seen you." He looks down at me with his big brown eyes, smiles and then bites his lower lip.

"Gonna show me ya new gaff or wha?" He laughs and shows me where he staying and it is only a five minute walk from our sleeping quarters. He opens the door and inside there is a proper sized single bed with a duvet-a bleeding duvet!- a desk, a wardrobe and a bed side table.

"Aye its nice this, like ya mug boss!" on his desk is the mug next to the laptop. I sit on a chair next to the desk and he sits next to me on the coffee table.

"Have you ever been to Bath? You know, the place?"

"No, bu it sounds a bit shit."

"No it's not, its perfect."

"Ah dunna do perfect boss."

"Boss, can I have a word." We both fall silent as we hear Smurf outside. If he knows I am in here, we will both get into trouble.

"One minute Smurf." I can see the panic on his face and he opens his wardrobe and I step in. I feel like I'm bleeding twelve hiding from a lads parent, although, that was under the bed.

That's when it all goes down the shitter. Smurf had come to the boss to see if he could propose to me. I wish I could have seen the look on his face when he had asked. The boss has told him to wait until he's in Newport and he can do what the hell he wants then. Anyway, it turns out the boss is married. Yes, MARRIED. Why the fuck hadn't he told me? What was I some sort of fling? I knew it was too good to be true.

I wait a few seconds when I know Smurf has left and practically run out of the wardrobe without even looking at him. Out in the sun I can feel the tears trickling down my face. I am walking fast I need to get away from him, away from here!

As soon as I know it he is beside, walking even faster.

"This is why I told you to wait out! We split up, I came on tour so she could sort the papers out!"

"And this is all my fault? You lied!"

"Not once!" I have never seen him so serious.

"Well, you were very fucking economical with the truth! What ya gonna tell me next you got kids?"

He cowers and turns away. He as, he's got bloody kids. We have pretty much had a full blown argument in the open where people could be watching or listening but I couldn't give two monkeys.

"Oh shit! 'E as!" He didn't have chance to reply before I walk off in the direction of the quarters. I cannot believe that he didn't trust me when I went on RnR with Smurf and he had a bleeding wife. How do I know they are divorced? For all I know they could still be together.

I can't face talking to anyone so I just head straight for bed. I just don't understand any of this.

19 February 2014

I haven't seen the boss and I don't want to either. Smurf has been distant thankfully so I don't have to put up with his shit either. This morning Kinders sent us all o run around Bastian which we were all blowing out of our arses. It felt good to run, I was ahead most of the way, running helped to release some anger.

I'm sat watching the lads play volleyball against another section from a different platoon, I don't want to talk to anyone but I don't want anyone asking questions so I am trying to act as normal.

"Bloody hell, its our Dawesy!" My back is turned and I know I recognise the accent but I can't think where from. I turn to see Corporal Gedding from basic!

I don't know how to approach him, stand to attention or just hug it out because I haven't seen or heard from him in ages!

I decide to stand to attention. "Sir!" With a massive smile on my face.

"Oh drop that shit Dawes! Gonna give me a hug or what?" Is it ok to hug a corporal? Especially in front of these lot? I give him a quick hug and then introduce him to the lads.

"Lads, this is the lucky bugger who trained me during basic, corporal Geddings!" Instead of standing to attention the lads said their 'alright' and 'hellos', they obviously noticed he isn't a high almighty kind of Corp! They return to their game of volleyball and I face Geddings.

"First tour then Dawes? Actually are you free, about 1800?"

"Urm am not sure Corp, yano me, busy n all tha." Knowing my luck we will have to go out on a mission if I plan something.

"Tell you what then Dawes, I'll be stood outside here at 1800, this evening if your not here, I know your busy right?"

"Go on then! Hopefully see ya lata!"

He walks off and I can't hear the whispering behind me from two section.

"'Urry up 'n get it ova wiv than ya cock muppets!" I know they are gonna give me a grilling.

"So then Mols, was he one of your basic flings?" Fingers has draped his arm over my shoulder.

"No, ya muppet, he was my boss when ah first joined, I aint shagged everyone yano!"

They carry on with the abuse until they get bored and then begin to annoy Brains. We haven't seen the boss all day and Kinders says we have free time tonight so it looks like I will be able to meet with Geddings. I am actually looking forward to meeting up with him for the first time today I have a smile on my face.

I walk around the corner to see Geddings stood leaning against a wall with his arms crossed.

"Knew you wouldn't turn me down Dawes."

"Well, ah couldn't think of a good enough excuse to turn ya down mate!" I nudge him. I forget how playful we used to be during basic.

"So hows your first tour gone then? I hear you have saved someone from the under-fives and a member of the Taliban?"

"Yea, well it is ma job aint it?"

We walk and talk around Bastian and end up in the food hall with cups of teas. He asks if I have been in contact with any of the girls from basic and he sounds disappointed when I said I lost contact with Katie when she was deployed to Canada. He is also returning home soon and suggests we meet up for food and drinks and I agree. Being with Geddings has made me forget about James and I am actually happy to be out with him.

As the kitchen staff begin to clean around us, we make a move as it has just turned 2300. He walks me to my sleeping quarters and stops outside to give me a hug. A friendly one. Then guess who walks around the corner? James! Shit!

"See you at breakfast then Dawesy!"

Oh he just had to add fuel to the fire didn't he!


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello, i am so sorry it has taken so long to update this story. Could people please read and review so i know people would still like to see an end to this story. i have got plans for an interesting few chapters! Thank you all for your previous comments i really appreciate them.**

Chapter 15

20 February 2014

I wake up suddenly, opening my eyes to see Brains, Fingers, Dangleberries, Finger and Baz. What the bleeding hell is this all about?

"What the fuck are you lot doin?" I sit up rubbing my eyes and the lads have stepped back and sat on the empty bed to my right. I cant help but notice they are all wearing only their boxers, not the prettiest of sights if I'm honest. Do they really need to wake me up like this?

"C'mon Dawesy, 'ow did the date go last night?" Fuck sake. If these lot think that was a date, I dread to think what dates they take girls on back home.

"It wasn't a date ya nob. I 'anna seen 'im since basic! I aint as lucky as you lot of golden bollocks, you getta stay with your boss!"

"Ah she aint spilling, n shes meant to be one of the lads!" Fingers pipes up and all the rest agree.

"Nah mate, I 'onna spillin anything cos there aint nothing to say." My mind is on overtime thinking about the boss. I don't need these lot hanging about pissing me off.

I give in and tell them we had a brew in the dinner hall and of course I will be having breakfast with him. I have told them not to get excited, although I know they will be close by listening.

After brushing my teeth I walk back to my sleeping quarters to find Geddings stood outside leaning against the tent wall. God, he doesn't make this easy for me does he? I wonder if the boss heard about meeting him for breakfast. I don't know why it is bothering me though, when I found out about his wife (or ex-wife) and kid, I couldn't even put a smile on my face for days, but last night, meeting with Geddings, it was just nice to forget about everything.

"Morning Dawesy! Ready for some grub or wha?"

"Well ah aint gonna go for food with bleedin moss chops am I?"

It is busy in the food hall, it seems 0830 is prime time for breakfast, I need to dig out my coco pops and sit in the quarters. I opt for toast with some strawberry jam whilst Geddings joins me with scrambled eggs and bacon.

"ow do bleedin soldiers stay fit when all they eat is shit food like tha?" I look up and laugh at him.

"I do burn it off you know. Anyway my eating habits are none of your business." He stops and looks to the side to see the under-fives have sat on the same table but leaving a gap. "Didn't know your section were joining us Dawes."

"Nah neither did I Corp!" We both laugh and carry on talking. Apparently he is here at Bastian to help pack kit away, -bit shit if you ask me- he hasn't even been out of the camp once yet. At the corner of my eye I see Kinders walking in the direction of the table with a tray of food, he sits down and then looks down the table at me, why is he gawping?

I turn my attention back to our conversation and I still can't believe we have managed to meet up, twice. The lads start to disappear when Kinders makes his way over to where we are sat.

We talk about his previous tours and why he was happy to stay in the UK.

"Anyway, have any of these lot caught your eye?" Bit nosey isn't he? What I would like to reply with is 'yes. Yes I have found someone who I have fallen in love with, who has been there for me throughout the tour and someone who has an ex-wife and a kid but didn't feel the need to tell me. oh and yea, he is the boss' But I can't, I couldn't risk anything we have/had together.

"Nah, not really my type corp.."

"Ah can remember when you couldn't keep your eyes off me Dawes. Even O'Brien noticed." I laugh because I know it is true. During basic I had a massive crush on him, but that was only because there weren't any other men to look at!

"Whateva, I could tell you checkin my arse out when I was on the climbing wall."

We both laugh and he mentions meeting up once we have both returned home, he reckons I should message Katie and see if she is on leave.

"Mission briefing, 20 minutes Dawes. Nice to see you Tom, how are ya?" A mission? I was under the impression we wouldn't be leaving the camp for missions. And these two know each other?

"Yea I'm comin now." I stand up with my cup and bowl in my hand. "I'll call ya when am home corp, go for tha meal ya owe me."

We say our goodbyes and I get away without giving him a hug, questions would be asked. I make my way for the briefing tent where a few of the lads are stood outside talking and by the looks of things, Nude-nut has Mansfield in a headlock. Going out on a mission so close to returning home seems a bit risky to me, why can't they send another section from a different platoon who would be here longer?

James and a yank lead the mission briefing which is to capture Badrai- this answers my questions from earlier.

"We have had intel that Badrai is in the mountains, on his way to Kabul with a cache of explosives.." He goes on and I know I should be focusing on the information from the Major but I am looking at James, begging for eye contact. Why won't he look at me?

"We are heading out of Bastian at 0100 hours. Prepare your kit early and have a good meal. This mission will determine if our time here has made a difference."

After the briefing we are excused and I just sit on the bench looking at my notes which don't even make sense. How could we have been so close to each other and now, he won't even look me in the eye.

Outside the briefing tent James is pacing up and down running his fingers through his hair. I didn't expect to see him any time soon especially before the mission anyway.

"Back inside." He didn't even eyeball me, he just pointed and walked back into the tent.

Inside he is still running his fingers through his hair and looking down at the ground.

"Sir?" For the first time he looks at me and I can't help noticing he hasn't had much sleep for what looks like days.

"Tell me there is nothing going on Molly please." His eyes start to water and then he turns to look at the notes from the briefing. How am I meant to bleeding speak to him when he turns away.

"There's nothin goin on." How has this turned around on me? He is the one who didn't tell me about his life at home.

I hear a big sigh, which I'm assuming is a sign of relief.

"I never wanted to hurt you. I wanted to tell you but the chance had never felt right." He has turned and begins to walk closer to me. "You have to believe me. I thought I could control my emotions around you but, I couldn't." He pauses and then looks down at the floor about a meter away and the looks straight into my eyes. "I didn't think I would fall in love with you Molly. And when I wanted to tell you it was too late…"

"Well you fucked things up!" His face goes from soft to his frown lines appearing on his forehead.

"Did you not hear what I just said?" He closes the gap. "I bloody love you.. I am announcing I love you in the middle of a war zone. Something that is totally forbidden in the army. Does that not matter to you?" He seems to be getting angry maybe I should stop being stubborn and give in. The man I love has just told me he loves me and I am debating what to do! Sort yourself out Molly!

"What I mean is. I don't care about risking my job for you, these past few days have been some of the worst. Thinking I had lost you and when I saw you with Geddings I thought I had blown it all…" I stop him before he breaks down in tears.

"I love you too.." His head shoots up and makes eye contact. "Please don't keep secrets from me, I don't think I can deal with anymore."

"Molly, I wouldn't do anything to ever hurt you again." He pulls his hands up to my face and rubs my cheek with his thumb and then leans into kiss me. His lips are soft and gentles with his tongue invading my mouth. I can't believe how much I missed this man.

"I promise!" He steps away and smiles "Come on, as much as I would like to spend the rest of the day in here with you, doing things which are totally forbidden, we have a mission and I want you 100% by my side!" He finishes with a wink and I know I never want to be without him again!


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you all so much for your kind reviews and i cannot apologize enough for not being able to update sooner, real life aye? I will try my best to update as soon as possible.**

Chapter 16

20/ February 2014

"What did the boss want?" Smurf has appeared from nowhere, how long has he been snooping about? I can't be dealing with his shit as well as my own.

"Nothing..." I try to think of something fast just in case he has an incline of something going on. "... He was just afta info on Badrai." I leave it there because I'm pretty shit at lying, always have been. Mr Lloyd from high school, always used to clock when I was lying, he said I always look at my feet and avoid eye contact at all costs.

This is the first conversation I have had with Smurf in what feels like weeks. Usually we're like Siamese twins, joint at the hip. With him not being around much, I have been with the rest of the lads. Walking back to the quarters, we walk side by side without saying a word and I can't help but feel awkward.

"Listen Mol, If anything happens on this mission.." He stops and turns towards me which I then turn to face him. "If anything happens on this mission, I want you to know that you're my best friend and I don't think I could have gotten through this tour without you. We may not be what I would like to be, but I just want you in my life."

"You're a great bloke, you deserve someone who 'as the same feelins for ya." I turn and smile because I truly mean it. Although he was a twat at the start of this tour, I don't think I would have been able to get through it without him either. "So when we get home, I'll be ya wing man, well, woman. Yano what ah mean." I threw in a little wink and nudge with my elbow, " 'n we're gonna get ya a fit las. Deal?" I hold out my hand for him to shake it, he looks at it, pulls his hand up to his face, spits in his hand then shakes mine. What the fuck.

"Deal!"

"Smurf what the fuck are ya doin." I pull my hand away and wipe his slober on my hand on his shoulder, bleeding minger.

"That's how we do it Newport Mols."

20/ February 2014

We have just arrived in an old compound which the Russians used to use many years ago. It is 150 metres away from the ASF check point on the bridge. Our mission is to stop the truck before it crosses the bridge and I have to identify Badrai. The truck which Badrai is travelling in, has been tracked by the Americans for two days, the final leg of the journey is to Kabul where Bashira is currently under protection. From what we have gathered, Badrai's plan is to kidnap Bashira.

James has set the lads up for guard duty rotating every hour whilst the others get some rest. The compound has two rooms, in the second room, I am ordered to set up a temp med centre and organise my kit in case we need it. The room is dark with a small hole in the wall which would allow light through once the sun has risen. The only thing in here is a metal barrel which looks rusty as hell.

Setting up didn't take long and I've been sat on this metal drum for what seems like hours when in fact it's been 40 minutes. This waiting around doesn't help my nerves though, I'm so anxious! This mission could go wrong and one of those men in that next room may not return home and this could all be my fault.

"So we goin to Vegas or wha then Mols?" Smurf has peered his head through the door which I shut to give myself some privacy.

"What are ya rattlin on about now Smurf?"

"Well, once we're finished here and completed decompression." He pauses and makes his way over to a hole in the wall which would probably let light in if it wasn't still dark outside. ".. We're off to Vegas." He turns and looks my way but I can't read his expression as it is too dark. "Just us two, as best mates!"

"Smurf, ah don't think that's a good idea mate. Once We've touched down at Brize I don't wanna get on another plane agen. All this jet lag, it don't suit me." If I told the boss I was going on my jollies with someone who has recently asked to marry me I think that would send him over the edge. "Plus, ah don't wanna see your mug anytime soon since 'ave spent the last 6 months with ya!"

"C'mon Mols, me n you, gambling n drinking. Just like pals do."

"Smurf it ain't 'appening, leave it owt will ya." He has no chance of trying to talk me into going, why would he want just us two to go? I find it weird, why hasn't he asked one of the lads, am sure them lot would love to go. "Anyway, we ave more important things to deal wiv than goin to Vegas, this mission!"

Instead of sitting there listening to his crap I walk out of the room into where the lads are lay, with Dangles on guard.

"He pissing you off Dawesy?" Kinders turns and then looks at the boss, does Kinders know about Smurf proposal? Has the boss told him? If so, he had no bleeding right in doing so! Kinders will probably tell the rest of the platoon and both me and Smurf will be in the firing line for weeks.

"More than you fink corp!" The atmosphere in the room is strange, Baz and Nude-Nut are just sat up looking into thin air, whilst Mansfield seems to be asleep. The boss is talking quietly in the corner with Qaseem, I wonder what they are talking about? I used to see them talking a lot at the FOB but as soon as I would go over, one of them would walk away, I never really understood why, or I was just being paranoid.

"Boss, there's a truck coming down the mountain road." Dangles is on guard and all of a sudden, the lads stand up from their lying/sitting positions. Oh shit, this is it, this could be the last time all of us are here together. "Boss, there are two trucks 50 metres between them."

I look at the boss man and he seems shocked that there is a second truck. He had no idea there were two, why weren't we informed about this? The boss looks at Kinders and pulls him aside.

"Kinders, get on the radio. Tell them there are two trucks, possibly transporting civilians but we can't risk it. See if they know anything about it." He then turns and looks at me directly and I can tell he is worried, his thrown lines have appeared and all I want to do is to make them disappear.

"Right guys, listen in." He turns to look at Kinders who is talking on the radio. "This is it. We need all eyes and ears on this mission, I want you all watching each other's backs. I want your 110% attention at all times. If Badrai isn't in the first truck we search, he may be in the second!" He turns and looks at the rest of the lads and then back to me.

"Don't worry, we will capture him and he will not harm any of us. I want you ready and prepared in 2 minutes!"

Once we are all ready with guns in our hands, we all meet and circle around the boss and Kinders. Qaseem is trying to listen through the radio in the corner trying not to interrupt what is going on.

"The ASF will be supporting us and will ensure no one escapes from the truck. Both will be stopped before they reach the bridge. We are here as a whole and this is how we will be leaving, together. It is an honour to serve alongside each and every one of you, you have made me the soldier I am today." He looks at me in the eyes and then turns to the door where Qaseem is stood.

"Baz, lead us out!" We are focused and ready. This is our time! This is our time to prove that our time here hasn't been a waste, that we can protect that little girl.

Walking outside I am blinded by the sun, it is only 0742 and I can feel it on my face. We walk in single file all looking around familiarising ourselves with the surroundings. Smurf is in front of me and I know that the boss is behind me. I strangely feel safe between these two, the men which I have cared about so much within these 6 months of tour.

Looking at the bridge, both trucks have been stopped by the ASF. I stop in my tracks and turn to face James but he doesn't bother to even look at me and walks straight past me. I wanted a hug, someone to tell me everything is going to be alright but I know what he has just done is the only thing he could do, I could be endangering the lives of my fellow soldiers if I think about personal feelings. My feelings are not worth risking the lives of these men.

Once we arrive at the bridge, the ASF officer introduces James to the drivers of both of the trucks. Kinders reminds us to stay alert whilst Qaseem translates for James.

"Dawes, your to check the second truck. Myself and Smurf will be beside you whilst you identify Badrai. The rest of the section will be split up making sure no one escapes either truck."

He leads the way with Smurf behind him. When we reach the second truck, the driver pulls up the tarpaulin up to reveal only 6 people in the back. I expected there to be more, but maybe they are in the other.

"Recognise anyone Dawes." I look around the truck eye balling each person. There are two children which seem to be travelling with their mum. They hold tightly on to her arms either side of her looking scared. There is an old man sat closest to the front of the truck but he isn't Badrai.

"No boss. But boss, shouldn't there be more than this?"

"Possibly Dawes, but there is another." I am starting to feel nervous now, something doesn't feel right. We make our way to check the truck in front. The lads are on the look-out whilst Qaseem is speaking to the drivers. I'm not sure if they know why we are doing this but they don't seem happy about it. Qaseem is trying his best to calm them both down.

"Sir, we need to get the trucks moving." Qaseem seems to be losing his patience too. We open the next truck and to our surprise it's empty.

"Boss, this don't feel right." I look up at him and he is already looking down at me, he looks as confused as I feel. The next thing we hear are gun shots coming from behind us. With the protection of the truck Smurf, boss and I are covered but the rest of the lads are in the firing line.

"Contact! Contact! Straight a-head 20 metres west, everybody stay down!" The shouting comes from Kinders. The truck is obstructing my view of what is going on.

"Dawes, stay here. Smurf, with me." What the bleeding hell am I meant to do here? This has to be Badrai. Why is this truck even empty? I take a look from behind the truck to see all of two section behind cover. Then the shots seem to stop.

"Fingers, where has he gone?" He? That has to be Badrai. The boss is shouting through my ear piece whilst looking around. From where I am stood I can see them all. And I can honestly say I have never felt so proud to have served with these men.

"Dawes, get your arse over here now!" Hold on a minute, he's yelling at me when he told me to stay put, for some idiotic reason! I crouch down behind a concreate bollard and waddle my way towards to rest of the section. "Dangles report contact, we need support."

"Kinders, yourself, Brains and Mansfield take cover over near the bridge wall, we will provide cover from here. Dawes, Fingers, Dangles and Nude Nut you stay here. Once they are in position, I want you to cover both me and Smurf as we are going under the bridge to cut Badrai off. Is that understood? I want all eyes on! We can do this!"

Kinders group move on towards the bridge wall which is up on the left. Once they know it is clear they will move over to the opposite side and take cover whilst trying to trap Badrai between the boss and Smurf.

Smurf and the boss edge down under the bridge. They aren't protected down there, it's just them two I just hope they both come out alive. While all of this is going on, the ASF are wondering around like lost fucking sheep, why aren't they helping us? Why aren't they under the bridge supporting the boss?

"Qaseem, why aren't these lot shiftin their arses?" Qaseem has his ear to the radio looking directly at me. We are risking all of our lives while they piss about.

"They say they are going to the other side of the bridge and make sure he does not cross."

Shots are fired and echo around us.

"Contact! Under the bridge!" Kinders shouts in our direction but I don't know what to do? That could be James or Smurf under there! I go into sheer panic.

"Kinders, I can go down there and support them!" I shout through my radio, why isn't anyone else moving? Our men are down there!

"No chance Dawes, sit tight!" I can hear him through my head set as well as him shouting. I can't just wait for one of them to be shot. If I lose my best friend through this I would never live with myself. And the boss, he can't die, he just can't, he's the boss!

The shooting continues.

"Boss? Smurf?"

22/February 2014

The nightmares are getting worse. What happened at the bridge keeps playing over in my head and I cannot seem to get rid of it. The atmosphere within the section is non-existence, we don't speak to look at each other, speak to each other and sometimes I don't even want to be around any of them. We're sat in our sleeping quarters not talking all doing our own thing, which mine seems to be lying looking at the ceiling, going over the recent mission. Things could have ended so differently.


	17. Chapter 17

**Hello! I am so sorry for the massive delay. Its been a hectic couple of months. I have written the beginning of this chapter so many times and I still feel it isn't what i want it to be. Anyway, bear with me I'll try get back into the swing of writing again. Please write some reviews**

Chapter 17

25/ February 2014

 _… '_ _Molly! Molly we ahh!' The scream stops coming through the head set. 'Dawes, you have to go! Now!' I look up to see a man limping towards myself and my section. I don't think. I don't even hesitate. I run. He holds a gun pointing towards me. Bang. Bang. Bang. He hits the floor. I don't even check to see whether I can save him. I don't give a second look. I run. I run under the bridge to find my two men on the ground. James leaning against the edge of the bridge and Smurf clutching his arm on the ground. Blood is pouring out of Smurfs arm and I wrap a tourniquet above the wound. I turn to James. He's been hit in the head._

… "Dawes are you listening or what?' I look up to find Brains crouched down in front of me. ''I know Mols.''

''You know what mate?'' I sit up and then realise I have moved to fast sending my head spinning. I hold my head in hands with my elbows on my knees. I can't be arsed to listen to this shit to be honest. I don't even know what Brains has to say. My nut is all over the place.

''That you and the boss, you know.'' I look up at him. I must give him a puzzled look as he continues with how he knows.

''I'm not thick mols.'' He pauses and looks around the tent. There is only me and him, the lads are out playing volley ball or something. ''I could tell, the way you looked at each other. The way you both used to look around until you locked eyes on each other. He's proper into you.''

''I don't know what your talking about mate. I thought you were the one with the brains, hence your nickname? Or were they takin the piss?'' I try to laugh but I can't. I know we have been caught out. He stands up from kneeling and sits beside me on the bed.

''All them dumb nuts thinks its you 'n Smurf but I can just tell. And since the mission, well you haven't been the same. You ask about Smurf but your always after more info about James.'' I'm now looking at the ground of the sleeping quarters watching the sand being blown in from outside.

''I wont tell anyone ya know? I know you didn't see anything in Smurf, only as a mate.'' Everything he is saying is right, but I don't want to admit it. Smurf having the crush on me has given me and the boss a sense of cover.

''Me and the boss.'' I wipe my tears away from my eyes trying to control the unexpected outburst of tears, ''its just been so bleedin tough. We aint done anything, honestly. It's just out ere..'' I wipe away more tears and take a breath.

'You become so close to people you never thought you would..' He finishes my sentence, as if he knows what I am going through. ''I just came out ere cos I wanted to make a difference. I didn't want to fall for him Brasins.'' Now the tears stream down my face uncontrollably. I feel an arm go around my shoulder to my right arm where he pulls me in for a friendly hug.

''Am I interrupting something here?'' We turn around immediately to see Kinders standing as the door of the tent.

''Everything alright?'' He has obviously noticed me upset as he directs this at me.

''Yea we're fine corp, shes just missing home.'' Brains answers and I am grateful.

"Alright, briefing 30 minutes.'' He turns and walks away without looking back.

''Just hold on in there Mol. We're off back home any time soon.'' I thank him for the chat and I feel a small weight has been lifted off my shoulders knowing that someone knows about me and the boss.

''… I know it has been a tough tour and..'' Beck goes on and on aboutour tour and how the latest mission was a success excluding the fact we are two men down. ''There will be other platoons joining us here as Bastian..'' He goes in again. I zone out in my own little world. Why are we even in here? ''..Private Smurf has been flown back to Birmingham for an operation.'' Now he has my attention. ''Thankfully nothing too serious just to put a few pins in his arm.' Is he gonna mention the boss or? ''..Captain James is still here at Bastian. He is recovering well, his helmet did the job. He will be returning shortly.'' Shortly? When the bleeding hell does shortly mean? I switch off from the rest of Becks meeting guessing when the boss might make an appearance. I recall the casevac out of the CP and the fact it was a Cat-A. I remember feeling his pulse but he just wouldn't wake up. We haven't really been kept up to date with the boss and Smurf apart from knowing the boss has had brain scans and all that.

 _…_ _I'm holding a gun pointing it towards the manly figure which is walking towards me._

I wake up suddenly to see the lads looking at me. Fingers grabs a bottle of water and runs over to my bedside.

''Ere y'are Mols.'' He passes me the water. I can feel sweat dripping on my face. 'Molly you need to 'ave a word with someone.' I look around at all the lads and can he the worry in their facial expressions. They are right and this isn't the first time this has happened. Every night since the mission I wake up from nightmares, I even think the lads are fed up of me interrupting their sleep.

''I will, I promise.''

27/ February 2014

The past few days have been long and boring. Kinders has sent us around the camp on 5 mile runs. He says we still need to be fit even though it is unlikely we will be going out on another mission. Today though, he has volunteered us to pack away kit. Apparently we can't just sit around being lazy shits, we are being paid to be here. His words, not mine.

We are in a storage warehouse, I'm doing the paper work kind of stuff whilst the lads are lifting boxes containing kit onto the lorry. I have the check list and have to count all items boarded onto the lorry. Pain in the arse if you ask me. We all take a little break, Dangles and Nude-nut wonder off for a brew whilst the rest of us sit around on the plastic boxes drinking our bottled water, which tastes like shit. To cure the boredom, the lads have settled with a game of eye spy, that's when you know the days is shite.

''I thought you lot were supposed to be working?'' We turn around and face the door. In the door way stands the boss. We don't stand to, the lads stand up and walk over to him whilst I just stand and stay where I am. I can't say what I want to say in front of these plonkers, I can't tell him I have fallen for him. Instead of facing hi straight away, I return to work with the boss deep in conversation with the lads. With my pen in my mouth and the clip board in my hand I set to counting stock again but I just can't concentrate knowing he is in the same room, that he is alive and walking.

'Everything alright Dawes?' He's stood the opposite side of the box I am counting, I look up to find frown lines across his forehead.

'Boss, nice to 'ave ya back. 'owes the 'ead?' I continue to pretend counting stock.

'A lot better thanks.' He lowers his head to talk to me more quietly, 'How have thing been going? Everything shipshape?' I look up, nod and return to my clip board.

'I need to see you Molly, alone. I'll be in my quarters tonight, if you can get away from them lot.' I don't respond, I just look up at him and back down towards my clip board. Since the mission I have wanted to see him and I have needed him every day, but now I can't even look at him. He's still stood looking at me and after a moment he turns and walks away.

My nuts all over the place at the moment. The boss coming back is amazing but I start to feel guilty about the whole situation. Firstly the killing of a little girl's father, then having her taken away from her family and of course, the boss and Smurf were nearly killed all because I fucked up. Mom has always said I over think things but this, this is all my fault. If I had listened to Captain James we wouldn't be in this mess.

I don't know what to do. Do I knock it on the head? Maybe he wants to tell me what a stupid bitch I have been and wants to end whatever we had? Can I get over the guilt of nearly killing the man I love?


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

 **I know this has been a long wait for an update but again just bear with me a little longer, hopefully I will be able to upload another as soon as possible. Please feel free to write reviews**

27/ February 2014

I'm stood outside the bosses sleeping quarters. I look around to make sure no one can see a female soldier heading into a males quarters, it could go down the wrong way. I knock on the door and wait for a response. Why am I even here? I don't deserve this man, the only reason he has been away for weeks is because I got myself involved with Bashira.

"Come in!" I hear a shout from inside of the cabin. I put my hand on the door handle and pull the door open to see the boss standing in front of two seats which are positioned next to a desk.

"I didn't think you would come." I shut the door behind me and just stand there with my hands behind my back looking down at my feet. "What's the matter?" I look up at him and I notice his frown lines across his forehead.

"I'll save ya from doing it boss.' I look down and try to avoid eye contact. ''I know I messed up 'n nearly got ya killed. I'm sorry." I look into his eyes and can see he is still confused as to where I am going with the conversation. "I should 'ave listened to you, I know tha now…" I wish he would let me finish.

"Molly.." I look back towards him.

"Let me finish. I can't explain 'ow relieved I was when Beck said you were doin well. It was the best news I 'ave 'ad in what seems bleedin ages. I thought I'd lost ya, I haven't been able to cope.." He doesn't let me finish, he steps forward and cups my face with his hands.

"I'm here now Molly, I'm not leaving you, never." He takes my hand and leads me to the seats and I sit on one, he sits on the other with my hand still in his. "What's gone on? I thought everything was alright? I mean I knew you would be upset because Smurf has gone, but Kinders said everything was fine considering circumstances." He lets go of my hand and runs his hand through his hair. He only ever does this when he's frustrated or annoyed.

"I was the reason you 'ave been in hospital, the reason Smurf didn't finish 'is tour, all because of me." Tears begin to fall down my cheek and I feel like a dick head for crying in front of him.

"What you have done on this tour has made me realise a lot of things Molly. You were right all along. You saved Bashiar, she's safe, she goes to school and she is up for foster. You made her life a whole lot better." He pauses and then kneels in front of me. "And as for me and Smurf, well we can deal with ourselves but I for one don't blame you and I can guarantee Smurf will never blame you!" He pulls me closer so my head rests on his.

Being here with him makes everything better. The problems in my nut haven't disappeared but just being with him and talking, I don't know, it just makes sense, he understands me.

"I didn't think you would come back. I thought you would go straight 'ome and not speak to us. I was worried."

"I would never do that to the lads. And as for you, I couldn't leave you behind. I was going bloody insane when they wouldn't let me out. I didn't want any visits because you know what them muppets are like." I smiled. "I love it when you smile. I just want to make you happy Molly. And when we get home, I want to take you out to dinner."

"What like a date?" My thoughts drift away when we slip into normal conversation about home life and what we will do once we are granted leave. He mentions meeting my parents and I explain that he will run more miles than he has since he joined the army. We speak for what feels like a few minutes catching up on what has gone on whilst he has been in hospital. He tells me I need to forget what happened on the CP and remember I have saved a little girls life. The way he has explained things makes everything easier and I am beginning to listen. I needed to see him, desperately.

"Is that Sam? He's bleedin gorgeous! God he is like you isn't he?" I pick up the photo frame of a little boy with brown curls and big brown eyes, he's a spitting image of James.

"Takes after his old man doesn't he." He looks and winks at me. "Not to chuck you out Molly, but the lads will be thinking where you are."

I look at my watch before entering the sleeping quarters. Its 2154 and I'm hoping the lads are asleep, wishful thinking mind!

"Ere she is, dirty little stop out. Where have you been?" Baz is the first to comment. "And she's got a grin on her face. Who have you been to see Mols." I don't say anything. I put my gun down beside my bed and pull out my West Ham shirt and PT shorts from under my pillow.

"Is it that Corp than Dawsey? I knew you n him 'ad a thing goin on. Ah just knew it." Mansfield sticks his hooter in now. I look straight at Brains and he laughs and returns to reading his book.

"Well that would be kissing n tellin wouldn't it!" They start taking the piss by whistling and wooing, I knew something like this would happen and they haven't got a clue about anything, apart from Brains.

1/ March 2014

There are two days left of tour and I have been sent to Bastian hospital to help out with the everyday problems like sun burn, any common injuries such as breaks and pulls. To be honest, I don't really mind helping out, hanging around Bastian is sending me potty and it is nice to be around some females. I love the lads, but sometimes it's just nice to spend some time with women. I'll be spending the afternoon with Jackie, who I first met at the start of tour. She looks worn out with bags under her eyes and I've noticed this is a common sight here. It isn't just the infantry soldiers who are fighting this war, we all are in different ways and I think if someone says they haven't been affected by this war they are talking bollocks.

"So whilst I've been in here, cleaning sick, blood and mending broken bones, you have been running around doing the fun stuff aye?" Jackie is making brews in the canteen whilst I sit and read through an OK magazine which has been left on the table dating back from last November. Being inside the hospital has made me realise that the men and women who work here are always busy. They are short staffed and many of the nurses and doctors I have seen walking around have bags under their eyes.

" 'Aving fun? It aint been like tha Jack." I look back down at the magazine. She joins me handing me my cup of tea.

"I hear Smurf is on the mend. Recovering pretty well, he's ended up with the shit end of the stick this tour aye?"

"You don't know 'alf of it. At the start of tour I never thought I would get on with any of them yano. I thought this would be the worst experience of my life, bein on me own n tha. But I see them all like members of my family now." She looks at me and smiles. We continue our lunch break talking about her time here at Bastian. She explains how she thought Bastian would be before she came here and what she thought of it now.

"I can't believe how busy it is here and how short staffed we are. When your boss and Smurf came in I thought there would be more casualties, they were pretty lucky Mol, they were seen too straight away, which almost never happens."

I finish the ten-hour shift and head straight for the showers. I'm shattered and the only thing I want to do is hit my pit. The lads have been around Bastian patrolling the watch towers throughout the day which has helped keep them from boredom. As I walk into the sleeping tent, the boss and Kinders are talking to the lads.

"Dawesy, it's about time you joined us." Nude-nut has to just say it and all eyes are on me.

"I've been away for ten pissin hours and you all look like you've missed me!" Instead of heading to the canteen, I join Dangles who is sat on his bed. I try to catch up with the conversation but the only thing I catch up with is casino games.

"I 'aven't gotta clue wha you lot are on about, are ya gonna fill me in or wha?" They all look in my direction and Kinders begins to explain. Kinders has been in contact with Smurf and suggests going away to Vegas. At least this means I don't have to go with Smurf anymore.

"Are you up for it then Dawes?" Fingers butts in. I think about it, look towards the boss who wears a blank expression on his face and then lifts an eyebrow.

"Do you lot really think after spending 6 nearly 7 months with ya I would wanna spend more time away when I could be at 'ome?" I look around and the lads expressions have changed from chirpy and happy to disappointment. ".. 'am 'aving you on ya cock muppets! Course ah would love to come! Although, I onna sharing a room with any of ya." I look straight towards the boss and Kinders. "Does this mean you pair are comin too?" The boss stands from the empty camp bed and tucks his tshirt into his combats.

"Well Dawes, we thought.." he looks towards Kinders, still sat on the bed, "we thought you lot might need some looking after. After 6 months of no alcohol I'm sure it will turn messy!"

It is way too hot tonight, sleeping seems impossible when the temperature is so high. Every now and then, you can hear the lads huffing and turning over in frustration. Some of the sleeping quarters are equipped with air con, not ours though, we have to bleeding melt! Reflecting on the discussion from earlier, what are me and the boss gonna do? Are we going to tell the lads about us? Will we be able to act on our feelings with them around? And then there's Smurf, what the fuck am I gonna tell him?

3/ March 2014

Well, this is it. This is our last few hours here in Afghan! I can't believe it. When I look back to the start of tour, and where I am now, it feels like I have come a long way, but it feels like last week since I was on R&R. Going back home, to reality will be a shock for us all, going back to normal life, none of us are civvies and I think it will take a while for us to get back into 'normal routines.'

I was the first to wake up this morning and looking at my watch I decided to put my trainers on and go for a run around Bastian, not the whole camp though, I'd be breathing out of my arse! It's still pretty early – 0547- and there aren't many people around. Usually the camp comes to life about 0630 but that's when the shower blocks usually become as busy as the underground. I run past Pizza Hut and Costa taking in the views around me as I know by tomorrow I'll be back on home turf. With beads of sweat dripping down my face, I start to feel the ache in my legs and realise I've ran further than I have before. I begin to head back when I see Kinders talking to what looks like corporal Geddings. I run past pretending I haven't seen them when I get about 20 metres away and I hear shouting.

"Bloody hell, shit the bed Dawes? Back in basic I never thought I would see you running unless your arse was on fire" I turn and begin to walk towards both of corporals.

"Well, I thought 'ad make the most of this place, going home and all tha. Cheeky bugger." I stop and Kinders smiles like Geddings as if they have a private joke between them.

"Kinders has just been telling me your off on your jollies with 2 section, never really had you down as one of the lads Dawes." I look at Kinders who twists his lips and then down at his feet.

"Well if someone gets hurt I'll be there won't ah!" I look down at my watch and back up, "anyway, places to be. Kinders, Corp!" with a nod of the head I'm off running again, heading back towards the sleeping quarters.

With us all packed and ready to go, I silently say goodbye to the sleeping tent and take mental pictures. As we're walking to the air field I do the same, even though I'm excited to be going home, I know I will miss this place, the sun, the busyness and the company I have had for the past 6 months. If I thought R&R -which was only two weeks- was bad, this is gonna be a whole lot worse.

Packing our kit onto the coach which takes us to the air strip I hear a shout from the distant.

"Dawes!" I look around to see Geddings running towards me. "I'm back on the 26th May, give us a bell aye!" Without saying another word, he runs off in the direction he came from. I don't even have chance to process what has just gone on before being wound up by the lads. James isn't impressed.

Three hours into the journey I still can't get comfortable. What we're sat on isn't made for comfort, the Hercules are made for transportation but it seems they have bolted a few benches to the side of the plane to save money. All the lads have their ear phones in watching their Ipod's or listening to music. I'm sat next to Dangles and he seems to have nodded off whilst I'm sat listening to the noise of the plane and looking around at all the men.

Then my mind drifts towards Geddings, I knew when I was on basic he had a thing for me. I even had a crush on him at the time but now, things are different. I'll call and meet up with him for a friendly chat, but nothing more.

Looking around at the men on this flight I can see how much they have aged. Their eyes tired, some blood shot from the irritation of sand and their faces, the skin is dry and tanned but not as in they have been on holiday, they look worn out. To busy myself I walk towards the toilet to have a look out of the window when the boss walks through a door.

"Just stretching my legs, reckon the flight to Vegas will be a little comfier?" He doesn't even laugh or smile, his eyes focused on whatever is behind me.

"I don't know. That would depend whether you can afford first class." He wasn't even joking, he hasn't even made eye contact with me and his tone of voice makes him sound like a posh arsehole trying to make me feel like shit. I aren't responding to it, I know he is pissed from the piece of paper Geddings handed to me but what the hell am I supposed to do about that?

"Well at least that would mean I'm nowhere near you. Arsehole.." I say the last word under my breath as I make an escape to the toilet. I look at myself in the little mirror and begin to cry. Why, when everything is going so well, does he have to take the piss and make things hundred times difficult than they need to be? I flush the chain, wash my face and then head back towards my seat, thankfully no one has noticed I have been crying as they are all asleep or transfixed to their ipods.

With my head phones on I listen to music drifting in and out of sleep. The rest of the journey goes by fast.


	19. Chapter 19

**A really short chapter but I'm pretty excited about the next, fingers crossed it will read better than i think.**

Chapter 19

Who would have thought being back in England would be so depressing. Once we landed, we were ordered to go into the main building where our families would be waiting. I know my lot wouldn't be here but apparently there is no other way of going through to the exit. Walking across the tarmac in the pissing rain was no fun either, it wasn't even spitting, it was throwing it down. I haven't spoken to any of the lads during the flight, the brief talk with the boss has put me off any further conversations.

As we enter the building, we show our passports to soldiers with high vis vests and then walk on through with our bergens on our backs. As I turn the corner, I see a huge banner saying 'welcome home heroes' and a big cheer from the families which have come to greet us.

I watch as men run into the arms of their loved ones, mums, dads, wives, girlfriends, kids and I take my Bergen off and place it on the ground. I look around and tears come to my eyes as I watch the men I have lived with for the past 6 months greet their loved ones. Within the crowd there seems to be some sort of shuffling as if someone is trying to push in front of everyone.

"Well if we don't get ta the front she might miss us!" I see my dad looking back shouting towards my nan, "sorry mate I just need to…"

"Dad, what the fuck are you doin here?" I jump into his arms where my nan and mum join us. I let go and hug them all individually. I look at them all, my mum and nan have tissues in their hands and dad even looks teary.

"I cant believe your back Mols, I can't tell ya how glad I am to have you back ere."

"How did you get ere though? Must ave cost ya a fortune on the train, all three of ya?"

Apparently Nan has hired a corsa to come pick me up but little do they know I have to spend a few days back at barracks before I can go out on leave. I explain the situation and recommend going for a family meal once I'm back, I'll pay. My dad hung onto my arms as nan explained how much of a prannet my dad had been during the journey.

"Well, you should sit next to her Mols, I reckon even you'd be scared." We laugh and catch up on how the kids are doing at school when the boss comes over.

"Ah this must be the Dawes family. Nice to finally meet you." He shakes my dad's hand and then smiles at my mum and nan who are just stood staring up at James, not that I am surprised, he is bleeding gorgeous.

"Have you been lookin afta our Mols than Captain? It's no wonder she couldn't wait go back to Afghan." My nan just has to make it so pissing obvious doesn't she? He laughs and looks at me -as if the conversation on the plane never happened- and smiles.

"Well she kept me busy Mrs Dawes. Actually the reason I came over was to inform you the mini bus is waiting outside, leaving in 10 minutes." Before I respond my mum butts in.

"Can't she come home tonight, stay with me and her family?" My mum's eyes are full of sadness looking up at James. I don't even know what I would do if I went home? What happens from here?

"Unfortunately not Mrs Dawes, we have a few things to sort out before we allow any soldier on leave. I assume you were informed about one of our squaddies, Private Smurf?" He looked around at all three as they nodded their heads and continued, "We should have the opportunity to visit him whilst he is in hospital. I hope you can just hang on a few more days, I know what it is like to have something in front of you and for you not to be able to do anything about it, however tempting it maybe." Before any response, he turns on his heels and goes through the crows of families.

"Bleeding hell Mol, he's gorgeous isn't he? Jeez, I reckon I would have joined up if I knew they all looked like tha!" My nan interrupts my thoughts as I try to digest what he has just said in front of my family. Why is he so hot and cold?

I wish them a safe journey home and thank them for coming all this way. I'm still in shock they hired a corsa to get here to be honest. Outside the weather is still shit and going on a cramped mini bus with a bunch of depressed lads won't make my mood much better either.

Half way through the journey my thoughts turn to James. How can he be so hot and cold within the space of a few hours? This isn't the first time, even when we were back in the FOB I noticed he had a thing for being jealous of Smurf or the other lads and then Geddings at Bastian. I can't keep up with him! If he thinks I am going to go through this just to be with him he can jog on, he needs to sort himself out.

8/March 2014

Our final morning in barracks has flown by. We all went for breakfast in the dinner hall and then separated to pack to go home. Outside the gates I notice family members have arrived to pick some of the lads up. I'm not disappointed when I don't see my mum and dad, I know hiring the car must have cost a fortune.

Giving a load of hugs to the lads and seeing them shake each other's hand's makes me feel emotional and I don't even know why. I'm the last to leave as I'm waiting for the taxi to take me to the train station. Soon enough, the lads disappear and I'm sat on my Bergen alone.

"What are you waiting around for Molly?" I turn on my heels to be facing the boss. I haven't seen him since we returned to barracks, I assumed he had been in meetings or catching up on paper work.

"Just waitin for the taxi boss, see you Saturday boss." I turn back round and look out of the gates hoping the taxi arrives now! He bends down, picks up my kit bag and puts it on his shoulder.

"Oi, what do you think ya doin? It will be ere in a min!" I watch as he walks away with my kit on his shoulder whilst I'm still sat on my Bergen.

"Do you want a lift or what Dawes?" He doesn't even turn around to face me he carries on walking. I get up suddenly, put my Bergen on my back and try to catch up with his fast pace walking. "My car is parked down here Dawes."

After 5 minutes of walking we turn into a car park which holds 100s of cars, I didn't even think we were allowed to keep cars on base whilst we're deployed. After walking for 10 minutes he pulls keys out of his pocket and points the key at a black Mercedes which flashes. Now, I don't know much about cars -I really haven't got a clue- but I know these are bleeding nice cars. Inside the seats are leather and in the front there is this ipad which seems to control the radio and maybe even a sat nav, this is posh!

"You had better cancel that taxi Molly. It won't look good a car hanging around near the barracks."

"Hold on a minute, we're gone past the station, where are ya goin?" 20 minutes into the journey and I realise we are on the M5 heading south towards London.

"Do you really think I would let you catch a train when I can drive you myself?" I look sideways at him and then he smiles, "and this gives us chance to talk." He smiles again, takes his hand from the gear stick and takes my hand into his.

"We need to talk to Smurf, tell him our.." He pauses and then continues, ".. relationship. I don't want to go to Vegas and not be able to act upon our feelings, we have done that long enough."

"Well, I reckon its best comin from me than you to be honest. I mean, I know he looks up to you but maybe comin from me might be better, less embarrassing maybe?" He looks at me with a worried expression and then continues to look on the road.

An hour into the journey and we are in a que of traffic, typical! We have sat in silence apart from discussing what we are both looking forward too now that we're home.

"Well we have choice Dawes. I can either drop you off home now and I will see you with the lads on Saturday," he hesitates and then continues, ".. Or we could go into London, grab something to eat and maybe we could stay in a hotel." He doesn't look at me but I can see he is biting his lip as if he is nervous. I don't think about what I want to say.

"Yea, well that would be nice and tha, but what about clothes? My mum wouldn't be appy if I walked in grabbed a few and then buggered off again, she would be well upset." He suggests nipping into the centre buying a few things, check into a hotel and then go out for dinner. He mentions he stayed in a hotel before when he had come down to visit a friend and has called to reserve a room and a parking space.

It takes 4 hours before we reach the mayhem of London city centre and even then we are stuck in more traffic. The sat-nav leads us to the hotel car park which is located underground. We leave all our bags and kit in the car as there isn't anything we need in there.

The reception is well posh! As we walk through the big double doors I see large marble pillows leading down to the reception desk. The floors are marble with an artistic pattern about a metre away from the desk. The receptionist is gorgeous, brunette with her hair tied up wearing a suit and I feel completely out of my comfort zone. Her eyes dart up towards the boss and she seems memorised by his looks- I should probably get used to this.

"Reservation for James, premium suit please." As the women looks on the computer I look at the signs on the desk, 'Welcome to the Hilton.' I've never heard of it but I know it's a posh place, I don't belong in places like this!

"Unfortunately Sir…" He looks back towards his from the computer and blushes, "urm.. the room is not ready yet, I could call you when the cleaners are finished?"

"Yes that would be great thanks." He turns straight away grabbing my hand which catches me off guard and probably looks like I am being dragged across the reception.

"Does everyone look at you like that?" He looks down at me.

"I don't know what you're talking about Molly," We're outside of the hotel at this point, "shops are this way!" Whilst holding my hand he pulls me so I'm alongside of him.


	20. Chapter 20

**A bit rushed but I'm just wanting to get back in the swing of writing again it has taken me that long to sit down. I started to write because I had a review and realised I didn't like reading unfinished stories myself. I hope to write again soon.**

After hours of wondering around London, we both have new clothes to wear for this evening. I went for the usual top shop outfit – a lovely red dress which is slim fitted- and James, as guessed had to go for a top brand Ted Baker light blue shirt, trousers and an Armani jacket. Apparently he has booked some lovely Italian for dinner tonight, he has told me what it is called but I have never heard of it before.

We finally head back to the hotel to check our room out and as soon as I open the door I am amazed by what I have seen. I have never ever in my life seen a place like it. Walking down the hall there is a bathroom on the right with a double bath, jacuzzi, a double shower and two sinks. The bathroom its self is bigger than my bleeding house! I Wonder round whilst he still holds the bags, he has a massive grin on his face and I'm assuming that's from the excitement spread across mine. We reach the living area which has a massive flat screen TV on the wall, a large sofa and a huge coffee table. Behind, there are two big doors which I can only assume lead into the bed room. I don't wait long to have a gander and see the biggest bed I have ever seen all decorated in grey. Beside the bed there are two bedside tables with lamps, a wardrobe big enough to fit 2 section in and another big TV. How much has this place bloody cost? I would have been happy going halves on a travel lodge!

'Boss this is.. wow!' I turn and notice he has dropped the bags. He walks up to me and just stands in front of me. I look up and realise we are no longer on tour, we don't have to sneak around anymore. I can kiss the man I have fallen in love with as much as I like, well for now anyway. Looking into his eyes I have no idea what is going on in his head. I have dreamt about this moment for months and now it is here, I don't know what to do.

'I think we deserve this for waiting out, don't you?' He steps forward and holds my hand in his. 'What I said on the plane.' He pauses, 'I need to talk to you about that.' He looks down at his feet as if he feels ashamed.

'Don't worry about it,' I'm becoming used to your mood swings mate! I say don't worry but I don't know how much longer I can tread on egg shells whilst I'm around other men. He doesn't realise how lucky I am.

'No, I need to explain.' He pulls me to sit down on the overly sized bed beside him, my hand still in his. 'The reason me and Rebecca are getting divorced is because I always wanted to be away on tour, living my life out of a Bergen. The army is all I have ever known, its all I have ever wanted..' I hope he isn't gonna start crying on me. What has this got to do with the jealousy? He must sense I have no idea where this is going. 'What I'm trying to say is, on my second tour, I found out she cheated on me. I mean we were falling apart, with me being away all the time, but it just wasn't right. I don't love her or hold any feelings towards her apart from her being Sam's mum, but I just don't want to lose you Molly.'

'I'm sorry boss,' it's all I can say. What am I meant to say, _well thank god she did or I wouldn't have you?_

'Charles..' Who the fuck is Charles? The guy she slept with? Bleeding hell he must have known the guy, what a kick in the balls that must have been!

'What? You knew him?' I don't know what else to say, again, in the past 2 minutes this is the first time I have ever become speechless, some would say that's a blessing!

'No..' He laughs and looks at me with a huge smirk on his face, 'my first name, Charles. You can't call me boss man for the rest of our lives.' I can't help but laugh. How in the bleeding hell have I managed to fall in love with someone and not know their first name, really? I look at him and laugh. I forget about everything outside this room, this is where I want to be and only here, with him. 'Are you laughing at me?'

He turns and somehow he has managed to be on top of me with his knees on the bed whilst I'm on my back looking up to him. 'Charles? That goes well with the posh balls name.'

'Who calls me that? If 2 section came up with that they will bloody know about it Dawes.' He has the stern look on his face and then softens as he leans towards me. I can feel his breath on my face as he inches closer. I can smell the aftershave he spent ages testing out on his jumper and I can't help but inhale a little more. After 6 months of holding back I am finally alone with the man I have been desperate to get my hands on. Our noses touch and I can't cope any longer, I lift me head to meet his lips but he pulls away. Is he taking the piss?

'Hold on Dawsey. I want to know who calls me posh balls before we go any further.' If he thinks I'm gonna tell him he can think again. Instead of trying again, I push him aside and stand to go into the bathroom and have a shower. I won't be caving in first.

'No chance Charles,' I leave winking leaving him on the bed with a shocked expression on his face. I deserve a bleeding medal for that! My heart is going mad.

I run the bath and put in some of the bubble bath products which are on the shelf. I can't wait to get in and relax. I look around and find bathrobes on the side, I put it on the heated towel rail and grab a lovely white cotton towel. I pull my phone out of my jean pocket to see my phone has lots of messages through whatsapp. It's only the lads from 2 section speaking about how strange it is to be home and winging about their families and girlfriends. I be a bit of a dick and send a photo of the bath which seems to be filling pretty quickly and the bubbles are rising. I send the photo with the caption 'I aren't missing Af-bleeding-ghan.' I put my phone down and undress to get into the bath. Only when I'm lay in the bath I realise how tense my body has been. I feel the aches of my bones and muscle and being to relax.

I hear a knock on a door and assume Charles will answer -so strange to call him that. I hear a few words exchanged and then close my eyes and relax.

'Are you decent Dawes?' Before I can answer, he comes through the door holding a bottle of Champaign and two glasses. 'I was wondering what you were up too, that was until I heard my phone going off and saw a photo of a lovely bath.' He kneels down beside me and plants a kiss on my forehead. I sit up and pull his head down towards my face so our lips are touching for the first time since we have been home. Slowly and gently I tug his hair as his tongue explores my mouth and I his. I pull away.

'Are you getting in posh balls,' and wink at him. All of a sudden his face lights up.

'Dawes, you wouldn't?'

'Well, tha was my name for you within the first couple of weeks. You were a proper bell end I'll have you know.' He stands up and opens the Champaign bottle letting the cork pop and pour two glasses. 'It soon changed though.' As I take a sip of the champaign I immediately feel the effects of alcohol, I haven't drunk in so long my body must think it's a proper shock!

He begins to undress, firstly by take his jumper and then his t-shirt revealing his body. Oh, I forgot what he looked like without a top on. And then his socks trousers and boxers come down. He must see me staring 'Divert your eyes Dawes. You'll be seeing this view for long time I'm sure.' I can't believe the body in front of me as he climbs into the large bath. We lay opposite each other. I have my heels on his waist whilst his are on the outside of my thighs. I can't take my eyes off him. I have him naked, no clothes all to myself.


End file.
